Just When You Thought 'Dancing With The Stars' Couldn't Get Any More Lame: It Does

This ABC show now in its 13th season is the bane of my existence (because I hate it so much) and returns on Monday, September 19th, with a fall season lineup of spandex-sporting contestants that’s as bewildering as ever. The full roster is:

— Nancy “J’accuse” Grace, TV blonde who rants about white trash murders.

— David Arquette, better known as a Howard Stern guest than an actor.

— LA Laker Ron Artest changing his name to “Metta World Peace”.

— Chaz Bono, who’s obviously there for random curiosity.

— George Clooney’s dumped girlfriend Elizabetta Canalis.

— Kristin “Drama Drama Drama” Cavallari, the unlikeable Reality TV bimbo.

— The least interesting Kardashian (which is saying a lot): Rob.

— Carson “Queer Eye For The Straight Guy” Kressley, who needs a new agent.

— Ricki Lake coming out of the Witness Protection Program.

— J.R. Martinez, a soap opera actor who helps fulfill ABC’s diversity quota.

— Singer Chynna Phillips married to the least interesting Baldwin brother.

— Soccer player Hope Solo promoting her nude spread in ESPN The Magazine.