“I don’t pay a lot of attention to the news when we’re off,” Colbert admitted, “but this week, I read every possible article about the career implosion of Florida congressman and host of Let’s Make a Douche, Matt Gaetz.”
Last week, the host explained, The New York Times broke the news that the Florida congressman is under investigation by the Department of Justice, for violating federal sex trafficking laws. The question at the center of the inquiry, he noted was “whether [Gaetz] had a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old and paid for her to travel with him.”
In a segment he dubbed “Gaetz-Gaete,” Colbert said that the Republican didn’t act alone, in destroying his political career. “He had help from his longtime friend, former Seminole County tax collector—and man selling sandwiches in a strip club parking lot—Joel Greenberg,” the host explained.
Allegedly, Gaetz and Greenberg both met women online, in pursuit of sex. “One of the websites is called Seeking Arrangements,” he said. “Bad news for the guy who was just looking for a floral bouquet for his anniversary, and ended up sending his wife an 18-year-old who was down to party.”
Reportedly, Gaetz and Greenberg also paid for travel and hotel rooms, where individuals including Gaetz took ecstasy prior to having sex. “Now, if you’re unfamiliar with ecstasy,” Colbert joked, “it’s the feeling you get when you hear bad news about Matt Gaetz.”
As Colbert mentioned, Gaetz has denied all allegations against him, suggesting that they are part of an extortion attempt, involving a former Department of Justice official. “Matt Gaetz has never paid for sex… Matt Gaetz refutes all the disgusting allegations completely. Matt Gaetz has never ever been on any such websites whatsoever,” a statement read.
At the same time, The New York Times claims to have seen receipts sent to women by Gaetz, on apps like Cash App and Apple Pay. “How dumb is Matt Gaetz? ‘Dude, dude, no,'” Colbert said. “‘Don’t leave a paper trail. Use the Cash App; that way, it goes all up in the Cloud, and then when it rains, the evidence disappears.'”
After the original New York Times story broke, others came to the surface. “Gaetz didn’t keep his pervy behavior a secret, allegedly,” Colbert said. Allegedly, the Florida rep. went as far as sharing photos and videos of the women he’d slept with with colleagues, all while on the House Floor. “Remember, this is where he works,” said Colbert. “So, you know those mandatory sexual harassment trainings your office holds, where the examples they give are all so outrageous, you’re like, ‘Who is this possibly for?’ It’s for Matt Gaetz.”
Tonight on The Late Show, Colbert welcomes professional wrestler and actor John Cena, along with Illinois Senator Tammy Duckworth.
Check out his opening monologue by clicking on the video above.