As usual, John Oliver wasted no time on Sunday’s Last Week Tonight to talk about this week’s events surrounding Donald Trump’s impeachment inquiry. This week, he gave it a new subtitle “Stupid Watergate II: Revenge of the Ding Dong Dingus” and talked about new players introduced into the fray this week: Lt. Col. Vindman and Steve Scalise.
Oliver jokes that Trump continues to use the term “no quid quo pro” in regards to the impeachment inquiry like its an invisibility spell at Hogwarts but there have been a number of witnesses that have come forward telling the exact opposite, one of them being Vindman, who is the first official to testify on the incriminating phone call with the president of Ukraine.
“His account was so damning that some of the president’s defenders desperately tried to use the fact that he was born in Ukraine to smear him,” said Oliver. He points out that Trump’s following keeps on attacking Vindman’s patriotism regardless his credentials. He is a war veteran who received a Purple Heart for his service in Iraq and appeared in a Ken Burns documentary about the Statue of Liberty when he was a child. Burns even tweeted out a clip of that documentary saying, “I remember the Vindman boys fondly. Theirs is the story of America at its best.” Oliver then cut to a clip that had Burns reading the tweet to give it more of a dramatic effect.
Republicans’ smearing of Vindman is an indication that they run out of ways to defend Trump and this week, House Democrats moved to take away another argument away against the impeachment inquiry that it hadn’t been authorized by a full vote in the House. On Thursday, Democrats held a vote to formalize the process and set rules for its public face. As a result, Republicans objected with Steve Scalise leading the charge with a visual aid of Moscow’s Red Square with the words “37 days of Soviet-style impeachment proceedings”
“Yeah, that happened,” Oliver deadpanned. “To defend Trump, he used a picture of Red Square and reminded us that there is a whole second category of possibly impeachable Trump conduct.”
He continued, “It’s like Harvey Weinstein coming forward and saying ‘Hey, I know you’re mad at one thing right now but don’t forget I also produced She’s All That, a movie with a message that says if people are judging your physical appearance, get hot and you win!”
This week, Trump said that he would be willing to read the transcript between him and Ukraine call transcript in a fireside chat to which Oliver laughed and said, “That is not a good idea because even in its abridged form, the call summary is incredibly damning. Also, there is simply no way Trump has the attention span to sit down and read a two-thousand-word doc on live television without losing focus and going wildly off-topic.”
He added, “If you told him to read Hop on Pop, by page three he’d be rambling how great the chicken tenders are at Mar-a-Lago, how zebras are loser horses and how he invented the word ‘dog’.”
As the evidence continues to pile up against Trump, he is busy using his “greatest witch hunt in American history” tweet to make some nice merch on his campaign website. There’s a shirt that is a spoof on Hocus Pocus that features Nancy Pelosi, Adam Schiff and Jerry Nadler as the iconic Sanderson witches from the popular Disney Halloween pic looking in a crystal ball with Trump holding an American flag as if he was a superhero.
Oliver immediately admits he is obsessed with the shirt because of how absurd it is. First off, in Trump’s mind, Pelosi, Schiff and Nadler are the witches, but on the T-shirt they are doing the hunting — and that is not what a wich hunt is. Plus, Trump is portrayed as a superhero and Oliver remarks that superheroes have “no place in the witch genre.”
“The shirt makes no f***ing sense!” exclaims Oliver, but he admits he wants to purchase one. “I’m going to want a relic to show my grandchildren in the future when they refuse to believe any of this sh*t ever happened!”