Among his series of setbacks, his summit with North Korean ruler Kim Jong Un flopped, and his former fixer Michael Cohen called Trump a racist, cheat conman, and himself a “fool” for his slavish devotion to the guy.
“The fact that Michael Cohen now has absolutely no respect for Michael Cohen is the first thing I’ve ever respected about Michael Cohen,’ Oliver admitted.
Trump’s third fiasco in just one week involved was the New York Times revelation POTUS demanded his former White House Chief of Staff John Kelly give top-secret security clearance to First Son-In-Law Jared Kushner, though Kelly and other national security officials called it a terrible idea.
One major issue with Jared – or, as he’s known in the Mueller Report, “Diminutive Nothing Boy 1” – having access to state secrets is “it’s Jared—a guy who, even among Jareds, stands out as the ‘Jared’ of the group,” joked Oliver.
The other major issue, Washington Post reported, is that officials from China, Israel, Mexico, and the United Arab Emirates all saw Kushner as “exploitable” and hoped to manipulate him.
Kushner initially failed to disclose meetings with Russian agents to the FBI, and there have been concerns over his dealings with foreign businessmen and officials.”
“And that’s not even getting into my biggest concern which is his complexion,” Oliver revealed.
“How the f*ck does he look so well rested?” Oliver ranted, noting Kushner is supposed to be tackling the opioid crisis, brokering peace in Mideast, and the national infrastructure – all while navigating the “psycho-sexual Stalingrad that is marriage to Donald Trump’s daughter.”
“Where are the bags under his eyes?!” Oliver demanded to know, describing Jared as “looking like a 17th century portrait of a Dutch teenager.”
“The only way you maintain that glow with that to-do list is by not really understanding anything on it,” Oliver concluded.
The HBO late night host then played the week’s much replayed Ivanka video in which she told The View “The president had no involvement pertaining to my clearance or my husband’s clearance.”
TV pundits called it Ivanka’s first public lie.
“Oh, please,” said Oliver. “I honestly don’t know what’s sadder there: either Ivanka is knowingly lying about her Dad forcing her and Jared’s security clearance through, or she genuinely thinks they got it on merit on their own.”
“And if it is the latter, Ivanka, there are some things that you really should know.”
“You only became an executive vice president of the Trump Organization at 24 because you’re Donald Trump’s daughter, not because you are a 24-year-old business prodigy.”
“You only got a book deal because you’re Donald Trump’s daughter, not because you’re a brilliant author and wordsmith.”
“And you only hosted the Miss Teen USA pageant because your Dad owned the contest, not because of your sparkling on-camera presence.”