– Every single person is now running for President
– Jeff Bezos told us all to keep an eye out for his dick pic
– The President has been very busy.
Among Trump’s accomplishments of the past few months, he famously posed for a feast of 300 hamburgers, or as he put it in a tweet “over 1,000 hamberders,” Oliver said.
On Christmas eve he told a little girl on the phone that her belief in Santa Claus was “marginal” at her age – “perfectly on brand” for Trump, given his talent for “f*cking up” children, Oliver said as a photo of Trump’s kids aired.
But the “major drama” during Last Week Tonight’s break was Trump’s ongoing effort to get Congress to fund his border wall, including shutting down the government for about a month.
And, this past Friday’s “new approach.”
“According to Trump, the border suddenly constitutes a national emergency,” Oliver snickered.
“To be clear, there is zero actual emergency at the border right now,” the late-night host reminded, citing reports that illegal crossings have been on the decline for 20 years, and that a wall would be expensive and ineffective.
Putting facts aside, declaring a national emergency is “a big step,” Oliver explained.
And yet, within minutes of declaring it, Trump said on national TV, “I could do the wall over a longer period of time. I didn’t need to do this. But I’d rather do it much faster.”
“It’s not an emergency then, is it?!” Oliver ranted rhetorically.
Trump appears to agree, given the speed at which he flew down to Trump International Golf Club in Palm Beach after his declaration.
“[Trump] responded to this newly declared emergency by, just hours later, flying off to Florida for the weekend, where he’s apparently been photographed waiting at an omelette bar,” Oliver said. “You know, the kind of thing you do when America is in crisis.”