UPDATED with video: President Donald Trump’s State of the Union Address was not a particularly good speech. But what it lacked in quality, it made up in length, Stephen Colbert said in his live Late Show after the speech.
“This speech was like watching paint lie,” Colbert quipped – in marked contrast to VladPutin, who opened the late-night program praising Trump, buts blasting Adam Levine’s Super Bowl performance [watch below].
The CBS late-night host admitted he had high hopes when, a few minutes before the address, CNN threw on screen the graphic “Trumps Leaves White House Soon.”
“Come on! That is not cool, CNN!” Colbert scolded.
Maybe the most alarming thing to come of Trump’s address, Colbert noted, was word Energy Secretary Rick Perry had been appointed the “designated survivor,” meaning Perry would be America’s government if a meteor took out everyone in the House chamber.
“Oops” Colbert said, quoting one of Perry’s most famous lines during his, earlier, White House run.
The State of the Union is always a big night. “Everybody who was anybody who was not indicted was there,” Colbert cheap-shotted.
On the Dem side of the House, sat a sea of white: midterm-elected women, wearing that color to commemorate the suffragettes.
“And the Republican side? Also a sea of white,” Colbert noted.
In the course of his 80+ minute address, Trump honored adorable children, World War II veterans, and, Colbert added, “I think he declared himself president of Venezuela at one point.”
And of course, Trump bragged about the economy which he said was the hottest in the world – “So hot, if it weren’t my economy perhaps I would be dating it,” Colbert said, channeling Trump.
Not so subtle was Trump’s threat to Democrats, telling them to end the “ridiculous partisan investigations” or he will tank the economy.
Colbert translated POTUS: “You heard me: you get the truth, or a functioning economy. Keep in mind, I turn off the government over a wall. You think I won’t burn this thing down to avoid jail?”
Colbert commended Trump for laying out a strong argument against illegal immigration when he said tolerance is not compassionate, it’s cruel.
“Not kids-in-cages cruel, but pretty bad,” Colbert snarked.
Vlad Putin praises Trump in cold open: