Golden Globes 2019: Satan, Flu Shots & Perfected Marriage-Proposal Hijack Set High Bar For Trophy Season

Jeff Bridges

Satan, flu shots, and the perfection of the marriage-proposal trophy show hijack – aka The New Streaking – set a very high bar at Sunday’s Golden Globe Awards kickoff trophy show season.

Long known as the warm-up act for the Academy Awards, Golden Globe Awards dove right in challenging that status, when co-hosts Andy Samberg and Sandra Oh snarked, “We are gonna have some fun, give out some awards and one lucky member WILL HOST THE OSCARS!”

The Oscars had to revert to Plan B for its 91st awards ceremony  – bypassing the show-host format and lining up stars to help out with the ceremony – after Kevin Hart appeared not inclined to reemerge as host, despite last-ditch on-air effort of Ellen DeGeneres to convince him otherwise. Hart stepped down from the gig two days after being announced, when social media went viral with homophobic tweets from his past.

Riffing off the controversy, Oh told viewers she and Samberg are co-hosting the Globes because “we’re the only two people left in Hollywood who haven’t gotten into trouble for saying something offensive.”

Despite the ceremony’s much-appreciated absence of Donald Trump on-air mentions, this year’s very viral Globes forgot to hand out statuettes in some categories:

Best Chance Of Being Cited In Anti-Hollywood Sermons And Stump Speeches

“Thank you to Satan, for giving me inspiration for playing this role,” Christian Bale joked on stage, accepting the accolade for his portrayal of former Veep Dick Cheney in dark comedy Vice. In a master class for Practically Perfect Trophy Show Acceptance Speechifying, Bale self-effacingly thanked director Adam McKay for seeing, in him, the right actor to play “absolutely charisma-free and reviled by everybody.”

Having cornered that market, Bale asked the Beverly Hilton ballroom crowd “What do you think? Mitch McConnell next?” To which the in-hall crowd responded as enthusiastically as a conference room full of Hollywood “yes” men.

Fox News was incensed, blasting Bale for “bash[ing] Dick Cheney in Golden Globes speech after praising former VP just weeks ago,” when the British actor had described Cheney to them at Vice premiere as “an avid reader” with “a brain like a vice” who will find the movie “entertaining” because “he’s very thick-skinned” and “has no remorse or regrets about what he’s done — he always says, ‘I would do it again in a minute.’”

Dad’s thick-skinned-ness and lack of regrets didn’t stop Veep daughter Liz Cheney from kicking up some social media outrage, taking to Twitter to blast Bale by bringing up a decade-old incident. Wyoming Rep. Cheney forgot to mention Bale did not face charges, after prosecutors said they found insufficient evidence of the allegations):

Best Artful Co-opting of Donald Trump’s Favorite Talking Point

Mexican director Alfonso Cuaron, accepting for Best Foreign Language Film winner Roma, had but to mention the word “wall” to set the audience applauding:

“Cinema at its best tears down walls and builds bridges to another culture,” he said. “As we cross these bridges, these experiences and these new shapes and these new faces, we begin to realize that while they may be strange, they are not unfamiliar. We begin to understand exactly how much we have in common.”

Best Awards Show Moment at Expense of Another Awards Show’s Worst Moment   

The hijacking of last year’s Emmy ceremony by Oscar-show director Glenn Weiss so he could propose onstage, and on national TV, to his girlfriend inspired the Globes’ best comedy routine. Presenter Maya Rudolph decided, taking a page from Weiss’s playbook, stopped the ceremony to propose to co-presenter Amy Poehler, saying “I have to do this. You are the love of my life.”

“Are we stealing focus away from the next award?” Poehler deadpanned breathlessly.”

Responded Rudolph, “Don’t worry. It’s just Best Screenplay.”

On social media, fans of Weiss’s awards-upstaging move did not appreciate Rudolph’s comedic take. Non-fans of Weiss’s stunt loved it:

Best “Call Me” Moment

Regina King, accepting for Best Supporting Actress in ‘If Beale Street Could Talk’, made an impassioned pledge that “I’m going to use my platform right now to say in the next two years, everything that I produce, I’m making a vow — it’s going to be tough — to make sure that everything that I produce that is 50% women.” “We’re available,” Will & Grace star Megan Mullally challenged, as she walked onstage next, with co-presenter Kristin Bell.

Least Witty Banter

William H. Macy and Felicity Huffman, came on stage as presenters, and, instead of the usual witty banter before getting down to the names, said, simply, “Witty banter, witty banter, witty banter.”

Most To-The-Point #MeToo Mention

Patricia Clarkson winning for Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television in Sharp Objects, thanked the show’s director, Jean-Marc Vallée: “You demanded everything of me. Except sex – which is exactly how it should be in our industry!”

Gasp Inducing-est #MeToo Mention

Having lulled the industry audience with a Ricky Gervais exorcising unabashed suck-up-ery opening monologue, co-host Andy Samberg jolted the Beverly Hilton ballroom crowd when he said, “Now here with a surprising, unrehearsed takedown of Les Moonves is the cast of The Big Bang Theory.

“Ooh, that can’t be right!” Samberg’s co-host Sandra Oh mock-protested, leaving it to Kaley Cuoco, Jim Parsons and Johnny Galecki to put on their best “ignore the gag” faces and stick to script.

CBS Corp CEO Moonves was ousted in September after a second Ronan Farrow report was published, in which women accused him of sexual misconduct and harassment.

Meme of the Night

Jeff Bridges took two shots at memorable lines in accepting the Cecil B. DeMille career achievement Award. First, he told the audience they’d been “tagged” to go out and do great things. Then, he said they could be “trim tabs” – the little fins on ships’ rudders that turn big ships. “I tag you, you’re all trim tabs!” Bridges urged, mixed metaphorically. But Michael Douglas took the meme prize, as he accepted the win for best actor in a TV musical or comedy, for The Kominsky Method with “Alter kockers rule!”, using a Yiddish term for irascible old men.

Most Cold Water Thrown on Multi-Channel, Multi-Platform Universe

In an evening filled with praise for Netflix, Amazon and HBO, Carol Burnett might have brought Jeff Bezos and other executives in the audience up short with her acceptance speech for her lifetime achievement award.

“The cost alone would be prohibitive: a 28-piece live orchestra…12 dancers, average of 65 costumes a week,” she explained. “Nothing like our show could ever see the light of day today. Because the networks, they just wouldn’t spend the money. And because there are so many cable competitors, they’re not going to take the chance. And, sad to say, today’s audience might never know what they’re missing,” she said, paying homage to reruns “and YouTube.”

Squirm-Worthiest Moment

At the moment in the ceremony in which trophy show hosts are now expected to bring in pizza, sandwiches or other snacks, hosts Oh and Samberg announced, “you’re getting flu shots!” Out marched a troupe of white coated “pharmacists,” holding large needles, who circulated in the audience offering to stick celebrity arms, then and there. Some played along but Keith Urban, understandably, looked horrified, and Willem Dafoe seemed dubious, despite Oh “assuring” everyone the medical experts came straight from the “RiteAid in Echo Park.” Samberg instructed anti-vaxxers to put their napkins over their heads and they’d skip them. It was awkward.

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