Nervously noting in his monologue how once-and-maybe-future Speaker Nancy Pelosi predicted on his show last week that Democrats will wrest control of the House from the GOP, he said the party has changed its logo from a donkey to a “cursed monkey’s paw.” He then rattled off some pro-Dem stats from Five Thirty Eight and played a snippet from CNN in which a pundit says, “If someone tells who tells you they know what’s going to happen tomorrow, they’re lying.”
“No, you’re lying!” Colbert snarled. “I need to know. We can figure this out. Modern statistical analysis can tell me exactly who’s gonna win tomorrow so I can sleep tonight.” He then veered into astrology and Chinese numerology to “prove” his point.
Watch a clip from Colbert’s monologue below — complete with a pull of “bourbon”
to dull the edges — along with a fun midterms-themed takeoff on A Christmas Carol starring Jake Gyllenhaal and a bit of the host’s interview with Democratic Sen. Amy Klobucher of Minnesota.