Samantha Bee: Mitch McConnell And Paul Ryan As Compromised By Vladimir Putin As Donald Trump

Samantha Bee
Samantha Bee opened Full Frontal with a “Здравствуйте to Our New Mother Russia” segment, “to please our new masters.” Said Bee, in her country’s new tongue, “Hello, my name is Samantha Bee, Welcome to Full Frontal.

Then she torched Republicans and journalists who claimed this week to be shocked – shocked! – over Trump’s Helsinki presser with Russian ruler Vladimir Putin, during which everyone discovered “President Trump is terrible for the first time, all over again.”

We will never know who to believe as to whether Russia meddled in our 2016 election: “Trump’s own intelligence agencies or the guy who smiles like he can only orgasm when a journalist dies,” Bee predicted.

As Trump and Putin roasted the United States together on stage in Helsinki, not one part of Trump’s groveling was new material.

Nonetheless, Republicans felt the need to feign shock, including Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell who declared “Russia is not our friend.” Though as Bee noted, “Mitch’s only friend is the insurance lobbyist who lives in his neck wattle.”

There are things Republicans could have been doing to protect the republic “from the bronzer stain Trump is leaving on it” and to make sure our next election is not vulnerable to Russian hacks. Things which, Bee pointed out, “approximately no one is doing.”

For instance? Pass a bill to protect Robert Mueller’s investigation, “like the one McConnell killed in the senate and [House Speaker Paul] Ryan said wasn’t necessary.”

Republican leaders are every bit as compromised by Russia as Trump…”Actually they are worse,” Bee insisted, because McConnell and Ryan have put up with whatever Putin wants, though, “as far as we know, they haven’t been peed on by anyone.”

But, while Republicans had every reason to pretend Trump’s public surrender to Russia came as a surprise, Bee wondered what excuse the journalists might have. “No one in your profession should be this shocked the 50th time someone does something,” she scolded of their on-air reax to Trump’s Helsinki performance.

“How can you be shocked by the president saying the exact same thing he’s said countless times before? That’s like being shocked to come home and find your dog drinking out of the toilet bowl or licking his own balls.”

This article was printed from