One night earlier, during a campaign rally in West Columbia S.C., Trump continued his administration’s Let’s Be Civil Out There campaign, bullying late-night hosts Stephen and Jimmy Kimmel. He added Jimmy Fallon for the first time, after The Tonight Show donated money in POTU’S name to a nonprofit that’s helping victims of Trump’s baby-snatching border policy.
Trump, who’d already tweeted to Fallon to “Be a man” for an interview in which he said he regretted normalizing Trump with the infamous hair-messing appearance, called them whimpering lowlifes, lost souls, etc. He pretended he could not remember Colbert’s name calling him “that guy on CBS.”
“It’s surprising Trump is orange because, if you ask me, he is bananas! Great monologue!” Stephen Colbert congratulates himself in their cold open tonight.
His laptop rings.
“Hey lowlife!” Fallon greets.
“Hey lost soul!” Colbert responds. “What are you up to?”
“Mostly whimpering,” Fallon admits.
“Be a man!” Colbert urges.
“What are you up to?” Fallon asks.
“I’m busy having no talent!” Colbert beams.
Conversation turned to Trump’s rally.
“I heard he said we’re all no-talent, lowlife lost souls.” Fallon cringes.
“Well, that’s not right. That’s Conan!” Colbert argues.
He dials Conan O’Brien.
Conan’s shaving but is happy to talk. He asks what’s up.
They tell him they’re talking about President Trump.
“Donald Trump? The real estate guy who sells steaks? He’s president?! Wow! How’s he doing?” Conan marvels.
“Not so good,” Colbert informs the TBS late-night star.
“Oh. Well guys, give him time!” Conan says, plagiarizing every Team Trump talking head on every cable news show during the election cycle and the first six months of Trumpocracy.
“And, remember, please be civil,” Conan advises. “If we’re not civil, this thing could start to get ugly.”
They hang up on Conan as he starts to shave his chest.
Fallon asks Colbert if they’re still on for lunch.
“Yeah, where do you want to eat?” Colbert says.
Fallon: “Red Hen?”
Colbert: “Red Hen!”
“It’s The Late Show with The Guy on CBS!” Late Show’s Voiceover Performer then says by way of introducing Colbert