UPDATE with video Tina Fey, Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers returned to their spots on Saturday Night Live‘s Weekend Update tonight, mocking Donald Trump, Confederate generals and, in Fey’s case, making a comically serious plea to avoid upcoming and potentially violent white supremacist rallies.
“Treat these rallies this weekend like the opening of a thoughtful movie with two female leads,” said University of Virginia grad Fey. “Don’t show up.” Mentioning a possible alt-right rally in New York City’s Washington Square Park, Fey said, “I hope they try it and get the ham salad kicked out of them by a bunch of drag queens.”
But then Fey suggested a new, better way to counter the hate rallies: Sheetcaking. Stuffing her mouth with a flag-decorated sheet cake, Fey endorsed binging as “the new grassroots movement.”
“Most women I know have been doing it once a week since the election,” Fey cracked. When she noted the existence of more than 250 well-armed militias ready to mobilize – “not cops, just militias that have trained themselves” – co-anchor Michael Che grabbed some of the dessert: “Give me some of that damn cake.”
Fey also blasted the blame-all-sides Trump. “Who drove the car into the crowds?” she asked. “Hillary’s emails?”
Update co-anchor Colin Jost fired off some good lines, at one point describing dour White House Chief of Staff John Kelly standing next to Trump as looking “like a homophobic dad at his son’s dance recital.” And: “If white supremacists are upset this week, just wait till next week when even the sun turns black.”
Earlier in the half-hour Update installment, Fallon and Meyers brought some new – or rather very old – characters to SNL’s political hall of fame (or infamy): George Washington and Thomas Jefferson.
Fallon arrived first, introduced by Che to discuss Donald Trump’s latest outrage: Comparing GW and TJ to the Confederacy’s Robert E. Lee.
“I’m nothing like that guy,” Fallon’s offended George said. “I rebelled against England, he rebelled against America.” When Che pressed him on his bad deeds, GW confessed: He did cut down the cherry tree and, yes, he did have wooden teeth (“Thanks, Obamacare!”).
When Che continued pressing, Fallon’s GW ratted out Jefferson as the bigger slave owner, upon which a bewigged Meyer’s slid into place behind the desk. “Whoa, you’re going to throw me under the carriage like that?”
“I did,” Meyer’s TJ confessed. “It’s true, Che, it’s true. But it was the ’70s man. The 1770s. Everyone in capri pants, smoking hemp.”
“Look,” said Jefferson, “we’ve all done bad things, but the difference between us and Robert E Lee is we also did good things. I wrote the Declaration of Independence.”
Added Washington, “And I won my war.”
Also tonight, Kenan Thompson played an eclipse-excited Neil DeGrasse Tyson, but it was Fey who really delivered the goods. Reaffirming her love for her old college town, she said it broke her heart “to see these evil forces” descend on the campus. She noted that rubber bullets were fired at unarmed Native Americans peacefully protesting at Standing Rock but “we let you chinless turds march through the streets with semi-automatic weapons” in Charlottesville.
At the end of the half-hour, Che and co-anchor Colin Jost turned serious and thanked their audience for watching during, as Che put it, “a very tough week to do comedy.”
Watch Fey’s appearance above, and here are Fallon as George Washington and Meyer as Thomas Jefferson: