John Oliver: Donald Trump Treated Angela Merkel Like Drunk Masturbating In Subway Car

UDPATE with video: John Oliver spent the bulk of Sunday night’s Last Week Tonight explaining how President Donald Trump’s “skinny budget” is, as at least one Republican has described, though other Republicans and all Dems have agreed, “draconian, careless, and counterproductive.”

And, Oliver noted, it hurts many of the people who voted for him.

Oliver spoke eloquently about how Office Of Management and Budget director Mick Mulvaney said he came up with the blueprint by translating Trump’s remarks in speeches which “cannot have been easy, because translating the noises that come out of Trump’s face into hard policy prescriptions is almost impossible.” Oliver took a stab at it, but finally gave up, admitting, “I don’t speak toddler psychopath.”

But, before tackling Trump’s plans for the federal budget, he looked at Trump’s breathtaking week of opposite-of-diplomacy.


It included a visit from German Chancellor Angelica Merkel, who Trump had said while campaigning was “ruining Germany.” That remark made the visit awkward from the get-go, given that, for most people who are not Trump, the title of German Chancellor Synonymous With Ruining Germany is pretty much taken, Oliver reminded.

If you thinking Trump made an extra effort to smooth things over during her visit, you would be wrong, Oliver said, cutting to video of photographers asking the two leaders to shake hands and Merkel asking Trump if he wanted to shake hands, and Trump not even acknowledging she was speaking at all, much less speaking to him.

“It is not often you can really say Trump genuinely should have touched that woman,” Oliver observed.

“Look at him – he’s just staring straight ahead, refusing to make eye contact! He’s treating the chancellor of Germany like a drunk guy masturbating in a subway car.”

Their joint news conference the next day went even worse. Trump attempted a joke, saying one thing he and Merkel have in common is being wiretapped by Obama. Merkel was not amused.

Meanwhile, Trump’s press secretary “and special guest on the Gilmore Girls reboot, Melissa McCarthy” [aka Sean Spicer] this week brought a British spy agency into POTUS’ claim Obama wiretapped his Trump Tower office during the election, saying British intel agency GCHQ spied on Trump at Obama’s request.

The NSA’s deputy director Rick Ledgett told the BBC that Trump’s explosive charge was “arrant nonsense,” revealing “a complete lack of understanding in how the relationship works.”

Meanwhile, GCHQ called the allegations “utterly ridiculous.” Rather than distancing himself from Spicer, Trump decided to back him up, telling a German reporter during his newser with Merkel that, “All we did was quote a certain very talented legal mind, who was the one responsible for saying that on television.”

“That was a statement made by a very talented lawyer on Fox [News Channel]. And so, you shouldn’t be talking to me you should be talking to Fox,” Trump added.

“No, we should be talking to YOU about it, because you’re the f*cking president, and you’re repeating it!” Oliver bellowed.  ” ‘He only said it because he heard it on television’ is barely an acceptable excuse for why your parrot said a racial slur!”

This “very talented legal mind” Trump referenced is FNC contributor Andrew Napolitano who, Oliver reminded, “has a history of entertaining dicey conspiracies…once questioned whether bin Laden was actually killed,” and a few years ago went on Alex Jones’ show to say how hard for him to believe the World Trade Center “came down by itself” and the government maybe was hiding something.

Fox News Channel has said it can not stand behind the Napolitano remark President Trump is citing as fact.

According to news reports, Spicer and and National Security Adviser H.R. McMaster offered the Brits what amounted to an apology, but Spicer later disputed that, saying the administration “had no regrets.”

Associated Press

“Which is amazing because if anyone on this planet should have f*cking regrets it is you,” Oliver insisted. “You should regret everything! Every life decision that brought you into this regretful job that you regretfully hold. At this point you should really be more regret than man. A ‘regretataur’ if you will: half-man half-regretful beast, cursed to roam the planet until one day you are finally released from your prison by the inevitable firing you’ll received in, oh let’s say two and a half weeks.”

There is no evidence for any of these wiretap claims being made “and yet none of that seems to matter to Trump,” Oliver observed, letting Fareed Zakaria explain why, in a clip:

“The president somewhat indifferent to things that are true or false. He has spent his whole life bullsh*tting. He has succeeded by bullsh*tting. He has gotten the presidency by bullsh*tting. It’s very hard to tell somebody at that point that bullsh*t doesn’t work because look at the results, right?”

“Donald Trump is a bullsh*t artist,” Oliver agreed. “And, I know Trump might want to refute that, but, to be fair, someone on TV did say it, and I am repeating it so therefore it must be true.”

This article was printed from