Samantha Bee Blasts Donald Trump’s “Pet Frogs Morning In Dystopia” Inaugural Speech


“On Friday the world watched America swear in, as its president, the concept of white male mediocrity,” Full Frontal‘s Samantha Bee said in her first show since Donald Trump’s inauguration.

“Donald Trump laid his little pussy -grabbing paw on top of two more books than he’s ever read in his life, and spoke the most solemn vow he’s uttered in his life since his third wedding.”

After running some of the “America first” and “this moment belongs to you” moments from Trump’s speech, juxtaposed with a clip of a Nazi youth singing “Tomorrow Belongs To Me” from Cabaret, Bee took a moment to introduce herself:

“Mr. President, I’m Sam Bee. I make a lot of jokes about you. But I don’t think you are Hitler.

“However, that Goldman Sachs wormtongue who tells you what to say is filling your mouth with more Nazi code than Enigma,” she said, of Steve Bannon. “Are you the only 70-year-old man in America who doesn’t watch the History Channel?”

“President Trump delivered his pet-frogs morning-in-dystopia speech to a mall that had more empty white space than the Republican plan to replace Obamacare. Presumably because most attendees were brutally murdered upon arrival in an urban city. Damn you, American carnage!”

Inauguration Day, she said was “swollen with lugubrious pomp and freighted with menace that left a lot of us feeling like we’d just installed Trump, Emperor of Doom.”

As for the inaugural concert, Bee noted press reports that Rebecca Ferguson had been invited to perform, but insisted she sing “Strange Fruit”, a song made famous by Billie Holiday, about lynchings in the South. That did not happen and, Bee noted, the concert instead included Toby Keith singing a song that included the lyrics:

Take all the rope in Texas.

Find a tall oak tree.

Round up all them bad boys,

hang them high in the street,

for all the good people to see.

“Let the healing begin,” Bee snarked.

Moving on to Trump’s first week in office, Bee said, “So far this week our new overlord has torn up treaties, taken the first steps toward a Muslim ban, ordered the construction of his dumb-ass wall, and threatened to invade Chicago like his own little Crimea.”

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