Sofia Vergara, Jenna Bush Hager, Carell & Wiig And The Categories Golden Globes Forgot


The brightest stars in Hollywood gathered at the Beverly Hilton on Sunday to celebrate the power of movies and television to “bring diverse tales to life” and “inspire us to find deeper meaning in our shared humanity,” as President Barack Obama wrote in his slap-on-the-back letter to attendees inside the ceremony’s program.  But, while the Hollywood Foreign Press Association is known for its expansive nomination categories (remember last year’s win for best musical or comedy for The Martian?), in fact, the Globes don’t always quite do justice to the rich variety of performances that take place onstage and off. Here, in no particular order, are some of the categories that should have been awarded for the night:

Best Audition to Co-Host Next Year’s Golden Globes

Kristen Wiig and Steve Carell walked out onstage, pointing, grinning and waving Hillary Clinton-style, to unveil the nominees for Best Animated Film. Each recalled the first animated film they saw as a child. “There, standing in the lobby, was my mom, and that was the moment she told my dad that she wanted a divorce,” Carell remembered. “I never saw my father again after that — ‘Fantasia day.’” Wiig recalled seeing Bambi: “March 14, 1981, was the same day we had to put our dogs down. Bambi’s mom. And also that was the last day I saw my Grandpa. … I didn’t speak for two years.” The next Poehler/Fey team was born.

Sofia Vergara

Worst Possible Gag to Make When Introducing Ingenues

Sofia Vergara, appearing to try to spoof her own accent, or maybe her need of glasses to read a teleprompter, winked as she botched the word “annual” – not once, but twice – when introducing Sylvester Stallone’s daughters, two of whom are teenagers, as this year’s honorary Miss Golden Globes. “The Hollywood Foreign Press Association as an anal tradition … I did not mean … they have an anus tradition – they have a tradition that they do every year of choosing a second-generation performer to assist in the presentation of the awards.”

Latest Bush Family Member to Embarrass Self and NBC News

NBC News’ Jenna Bush Hager, when not obsessively asking people on the red carpet if they intended to drink that night, said to singer Pharrell, before asking if he intended to drink: “So, you’re nominated for Hidden Fences.” Pharrell, of course, was nominated for best original score for the movie Hidden Figures, about three black women working behind-the-scenes at NASA in the 1960s. Fences is a different movie, based on August Wilson’s play and starring Denzel Washington and Viola Davis. Twitter was not amused.

(Michael Keaton did same during the trophy show broadcast in announcing the nominees for supporting actress in a motion picture, saying Octavia Spencer was nominated for Hidden Fences.  Viola Davis won that derby for her performance in Fences.)

Meanwhile, on the drinking-question front, Sting’s wife, Trudie Styler, told Bush Hager, “We’re Brits, we love to drink,” by way of brushing off the question. She asked Hugh Grant, “How wild is it in there — lots of champagne or just a little?” He told her he thought the ceremony is more sedate than it once was but that he intends to be “out of my head” by night’s end. And, as the red carpet segment wrapped, Bush Hager and her co-hosts walked by a bar, she grabbed one of the bigger bottles of bubbly, and chortled, “The best part is this. Don’t mind if I do!”

Least Coherent, and Yet Somehow Touching, Acceptance Speech

Billy Bob Thornton, accepting the best comedy series actor Globe win for Amazon’s Goliath, said of fellow category nominee Bob Odenkirk (Better Call Saul): “Bob and I have had a feud since the 1940s when we did a movie with Van Johnson — remember that, Bob? And we’ve had a little thing ever since. So, there you go, bud.”

Only thing, Odenkirk was born in the early ’60s, Thornton in the mid-’50s, though the era was right for the very popular and prolific Johnson, who maybe was best known for his work in A Guy Named Joe (1943), Brigadoon (1954), and The Last Time I Saw Paris (1954).

74th Annual Golden Globe Awards, Arrivals, Los Angeles, USA - 08 Jan 2017

Best Stabs at ‘Real Men Don’t Know Who They’re Wearing’ On The Red Carpet

Malcolm McDowell: “I’m wearing some suit that they gave me from a movie (looks at label). Boss!”

Joel Edgerton: I made it myself. No, Brunello.”

Michael Shannon, whose Nocturnal Animals director was designer Tom Ford, when asked if he was wearing Tom Ford: “No, I’m busted. This is Burberry, I think.”

Jeff Bridges: “I got Dolce & Gabbana – how about you?”

Worst Play-Off Music of the Night, or Any Night

To let director Steven Daldry know he had to wrap up thank-yous for the best TV drama win by The Crown, the traditional give-’em-the-hook music began to play — only Questlove’s choice of tunes and volume setting starled Daldry, the audience and viewers at home.

Most Likely to Have to Bring His Mother to the Globes Next Year

Manchester by the Sea best actor winner Casey Affleck, when asked by Natalie Morales how he “got into the mindset” of his character, who was dealing with a profound family tragedy, replied: “You know, while we were shooting I just stayed at home with my mother; that just about did it. I’m kidding, Mom. I’m just kidding.”

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