The craziest fake news these days is Pizzagate. “People actually believe a conspiracy theory that Hillary Clinton and her former campaign manager John Podesta ran a child sex ring at a pizzeria in D.C. “Colbert said last night, bringing up to speed any of his viewers who get their news on his show, rather than a credible newsman such as CBS’ John Dickerson.
“According to the folks with the spider eggs hatching in their brain, Clinton and Podesta have a series of smuggling tunnels that connect to the basement of this pizzeria. But the police refuse to investigate the basement crime scene, on the flimsy excuse that the pizzeria does not have a basement,” Colbert explained.
“So where did this conspiracy theory start? Apparently some alt-right folks were combing through Clinton campaign emails hacked by Russia and published by Wikileaks, and noticed there seems to be more references to pizza and pizzerias than they had expected. Which can only mean one thing: secret sex ring,” Colbert joked.
A lot of uninformed, gullible people fell for the Clinton/Podesta sex-ring theory, Colbert revealed. “People like Trump’s pick for National Security Adviser, Michael Flynn,” who tweeted a link to one of the fake news reports, adding “U decide.”
“OK then, I decide a guy who spreads this bullshit shouldn’t be in charge of national security,” Colbert said, taking Flynn’s advice.
Trump’s transition team has acknowledged that this is “disqualifying madness” and have taken steps, dumping Flynn’s son, who had tweeted about Pizzagate, the late-night host snarked.
For those of his viewers who find this “pretty weird but harmless fun,” Colbert informed them a gunman walked into that pizzeria this week to “investigate” Pizzagate himself, firing off a few rounds but fortunately not injuring anyone.
What you won’t learn from Dickerson, but will on Late Show: Some folks on Reddit think Colbert is in on Pizzagate because, at the end of his election night special he talked about pizza. The conspiracy theorists pronounced that “CREEPY.”
These super sleuths have determined Colbert is on Clinton’s payroll after Wikileaks published old emails to Podesta, in which a Clinton flak took credit for booking President Bill Clinton on Colbert’s Comedy Central show. Reddit-ers say the emails reveal Colbert is instructed by politicians as to what to say on his show.
“Now, I am flattered that this guy considered it an achievement that he somehow booked President Clinton on my basic-cable news parody puppet show,” Colbert said. And, he acknowledged, “this email does blow the lid off what the illiterati call Talk Shows” – a conspiracy that goes all the way up to POTUS-Elect Donald Trump, Colbert admitted.
Seems that, when Trump was booked on Colbert’s CBS show, he too did what is known as a “pre-interview,” informing Late Show what he wanted Colbert to discuss with him on-air. Colbert waived a transcript of that Trump pre-interview. He shredded it, as his audience groaned and booed. Colbert produced another copy which, he said, he also will not read, because there is an understanding between his show and his guests that these pre-interviews are private.
“Here is what these conspiracy theorists don’t get: There is a difference between a conspiracy and an agreement. A conspiracy is what villains do. An agreement is what adults do,” Colbert explained to Reddit-ers, not that it will matter to them.
“Look around the country. Wouldn’t you agree we need some more adults? So, Wikileaks, Alex Jones, and the SubReddit subgeniuses – and I mean this in the nicest way possible – Grow the f*ck up.”