“Hello nation. Did you miss me? I know I did! Well, it’s time to say ‘Aloha’ to Stephen Colbert and ‘Aloha’ to Stephen Colbert. Wow – look at this place! The host must have quite an ego,” Colbert Report Stephen began, after being brought out onstage in a gold chariot pulled by Uncle Sams in striped boxers.
“Nation, right now Americans are angry, confused and lashing out angrily – and that’s just the Republican nominee,” said Faux Colbert, who’d been hanging out in a cabin in the woods with The Daily Show star Jon Stewart, also making a cameo:
“How has America – god’s girlfriend – ended up in a relationship with this guy? Well, shhh, Daddy’s here,” Faux Colbert said reassuringly.
And, if Colbert Report fans weren’t already laughing through tears at this poignant reminder of what they’d lost, his old show’s much-loved The Word segment also made its comeback. Tonight’s Word: “Trumpiness.”
“Trumpiness,” is like “Truthiness,” only “Truthiness” came from the gut, but ” ‘Trumpiness’ comes from much further down the intestinal track,” TV Colbert said.
And then, he left, and Actual Stephen returned.
The Late Show episode opened with Actual Stephen performing a musical number about the RNC, called Christmas in July:
This week, you and me, we will witness history
as the RNC crowns their orange manatee!
Well see wacky hats, crazy ties, worn by thousands of white guys
and an entire airplane hangar filled with Donald Trump’s ex-wives.
We’ll see Newt, Ron and Rand, and maybe members of the Klan
but no Muslims or Latino cause I think they’ve all been banned.
Colbert also did a bit from the RNC, taped Sunday, as his version of Hunger Games emcee Caesar Flickerman. Touring the convention floor, he noted the North Carolina delegation “has positioned itself next to the bathrooms so they can check everyone’s genitalia,” mentioned Trump will emerge flanked by two eunuchs. “And by eunuchs, I mean Reince Priebus and Paul Ryan clearly checked their balls at the door,” and made other observations too interesting to mention, before being grabbed by “security.”
The Late Show’s Live coverage of “The 2016 Trumpublican Donational Conventrump — Starring Donald Trump as the Republican Party (May Contain Traces of Republican)” continues tomorrow night.