Hollywood mourns this morning, Tina Fey and Amy Poehler having hosted their last Golden Globe Awards, breaking their promise to keep doing it until everybody hates it. Once again they made it look easy to serve up gobs of snark about industry luminaries and get them to lap it up, welcoming “all you despicable, spoiled, minimally talented brats” — hacked Sony email reference — to their third Globe at-bat, where the crowd had gathered to “celebrate the TV shows we know and love as well as all the movies North Korea was OK with.”
Fey and Poehler were, as always, at their best telling simple truths:
— North Korea calling The Interview “absolutely intolerable” was not the worst review the movie got.
— “Amal [Clooney] is a human rights lawyer who worked on the Enron case, was an adviser to [former UN Secretary General] Kofi Annan regarding Syria, and was selected for a three-person UN commission investigating rules of war violations in the Gaza Strip…So tonight, her husband is getting a Lifetime Achievement Award.”
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— Into The Woods is about Cinderella running from her prince, Rapunzel being thrown from a tower for her prince, and “Sleeping Beauty just thinking she was getting coffee with Bill Cosby.”
Their bits in which Margaret Cho played a North Korean member of the HFPA, however, got mixed reviews, though their stab at re-creating Ellen DeGeneres’ viral Oscar selfie moment — asking Michael Keaton to snap Cho, in character, posing with Meryl Streep — was saved by photobombing Benedict Cumberbatch.
Speaking of misses, here are some of last night’s missed awards:
MOST SINCERE DEMONSTRATION OF SURPRISE, AS IMAGINED BY AN ACTRESS
Amy Adams, accepting her win for Best Motion Picture Actress: “To say that I’m ill‑prepared for this moment is a huge understatement, like huge. I didn’t even re‑apply lip gloss.”
CREEPIEST CORPORATE BRANDING PLOY
Persistent on-screen grey NBC peacock logo that gave female winners in low-cut dresses the appearance of having a corporate tattoo.
WORST PRESENTER CASTING
“You are amazing — I feel like I won a competition,” Benedict Cumberbatch said when Poehler and Fey picked him from the audience to join presenter Jennifer Aniston onstage. “I didn’t know there was one,” Aniston responded, adding, “I was supposed to do this by myself.”
BEST ONSTAGE SHOUT-OUT FROM A WINNER TO A NOMINEE
Patricia Arquette to Meryl Streep: “Meryl, thank you for giving me a hug. I hope your DNA transfers to me.”
BEST RED CARPET INTERVIEW
Days after NBC News suffered embarrassment when it got wrong vital facts in its coverage of breaking news from Paris, the division’s Matt Lauer was on the red carpet at the Golden Globes, congratulating Poehler on being nominated for Parks And Recreation. Except she wasn’t, though she’d won that derby last year.
Conspicuously decolletaged presenter Jennifer Lopez opening the envelope: “I got the nails.” Co-presenter Jeremy Renner looking down her dress: “You got the globes, too.”
BEST HOLLYWOOD ACCEPTANCE SPEECH KICKOFF
Common: “I want to thank God, and the Hollywood Foreign Press.”
BEST “WHAT TOOK SO LONG” ACCEPTANCE SPEECH
Kevin Spacey: “This is the eighth time I’ve been nominated. I cannot f*cking believe I won.”
BEST DINGING OF HOLLYWOOD SEXISM
9 To 5 stars Lily Tomlin and Jane Fonda, re-united to recognize the actor deemed the year’s Best in a TV Series – Musical or Comedy, used the opportunity to bemoan the lack of opportunities for men in comedy. “You know, it’s nice — it’s nice — that men, at last, are getting the recognition they deserve for being good at comedy,” said Fonda. Responded Tomlin, “I know, I know. Finally, we can put at rest that negative stereotype that men just aren’t funny.”
BEST APPEARANCE BY RICKY GERVAIS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Leading up the to his announcement of best actress, Gervais gave a mini-monologue that was a shadow of his previous efforts as show host. “If we’ve learned one thing, it’s famous people are above the law, as it should be,” Gervais noted, also mentioning to the crows about “the terrible things you’ve done to get here. Streep. And Clooney. I’m not even going to look at Katie Holmes.”
CELEBRITY LEAST LIKELY TO BE ASKED, “WHO ARE YOU WEARING?”
Jill Soloway in a suit that looked like it had been striped by a road crew. Tied with Prince in shiny jacket and walking stick.