Trevor Noah opened the 65th Annual Grammys Sunday from the top of the Crypto arena … and with a dig at Los Angeles.
“It’s the best city in the world if you ignore a few other cities,” he said, before immediately tossing the action to an opening performance by Bad Bunny.
This is Noah’s third hosting the Grammys, which returned to Los Angeles Sunday after a stint in Las Vegas last year. The venue was adjusted for this auspicious post-pandemic occasion: tables replaced rows and rows of chairs in front of the stage, making it easier for ticket holders to trip the light fantastic with Bunny’s colorful troupe. (Later in the show, Kendrick Lamar refers to the tables as “cute as hell.”)
It also gave Noah a chance to get up front and personal with his yuks directed toward Taylor Swift, Harry Styles and Adele.
Here are highlights from his opening remarks:
“Every time I listened to [Bad Bunny], I get hips I never knew I had,” Noah remarked. “That album is so fire it makes Trump want to learn Spanish.”
“My job is to be your eyes, your ears, I’ll be floating around this room,” Noah continued. “Think of me like a Chinese spy balloon, that’s what I’m doing right now, gathering all the information that you want. This is the room where it all goes down. Look at all the faces. We have the best musicians, best performers, best producers in the world. Every song on TikTok that you hear, these are the people who made them. This is them.”
Here were more highlights from his opening monologue:
“Beyoncé is in the room, people! You understand how amazing this is, right? Beyoncé is nominated for her album, Renaissance, which by the way, is better than anything from the actual renaissance, in my opinion. The renaissance was just pictures of grapes and stuff. Beyoncé took it up another level. In fact, I was so inspired by the lyrics of Break My Soul, that I actually quit my job. That’s how powerful that was. I just wish Beyoncé had also written a song about the importance of having savings before you quit your job.”
“Harry Styles is here tonight, everybody! That’s right. I mean, what can you say about this man that hasn’t been said? Incredible album, mind-blowing tour … women throw their pants at this man! And then he puts them on and he looks better in them than they do! Easily the world’s sexiest man. There is no competition. Sex symbol of the globe. Especially now since they killed off the Green M&M.”
“We’ve got LA’s very own Kendrick Lamar in the building. The man is super talented. He’s got Pulitzers, he’s got Grammys. His album was a therapy session that earned him multiple Grammy nominations. All my therapy ever got me was helping me overcome my childhood trauma. Useless!”
“Lizzo is joining us. Look at that smile. Congratulations on everything. Body positivity. TV shows. Taking over the world. Killing the haters on instagram and Twitter. I love it. The most famous flute player in the world since … I’m sure there were others.”
“Taylor Swift sold more albums than any other human on the planet last year. The only music we listen to more than Taylor was the hold music for Southwest Airlines.”
“Tonight, my job is just to be the host, the best host I can be. And to do that, I try to know my guests. For instance, I know LL Cool J really loves breakfast cereals. That’s some of the research. I know Cardi B is obsessed with presidents. That’s a real thing. I also know Adele loves tea. Her Vegas show is phenomenal. And this is one of the strangest things I found out, the person that Adele always wanted to meet, but never has is Dwayne Johnson. You never met him, right? I found out he’s a huge fan of yours, too. No, I don’t have Dwayne Johnson here tonight. But I do have someone called The Rock.”
And guess who came out … Black Adam himself, who leaned in to kiss a very happy Adele.
Subscribe to Deadline Breaking News Alerts and keep your inbox happy.