Aidy Bryant stepped in to play Cruz, hosting his own, far-right version of Sesame Street, Cruz Street, featuring guests such as Marjorie Taylor Greene and Joe Rogan.
“When Big Bird told children get vaccinated against a deadly disease, I said, ‘Enough,’ and I created my own Sesame Street called Cruz Street,” Cruz said. “It’s a gated community. Kids are safe from the woke government.”
As SNL had it, Cruz Street is among the offerings of Newsmax Kids, and follows White Power Rangers in the program lineup.
The first guest on Cruz Street was Greene, with Cecily Strong, automatic weapon in hand, returning as the Georgia congresswoman.
“I’m just taking a break from releasing the phone numbers of Republicans who voted for the infrastructure bill so they and their families get death threats, so I thought I would stop by,” Greene explained.
She then went on to announce that this Cruz Street was sponsored by the letter “Q,” of course. “Not the letter, the man,” Greene assured.
“He will tell us when JFK Jr., who is alive, will reveal himself and help President Trump reclaim his rightful throne,” she said, repeating what is a conspiracy theory held by QAnon followers. Really.
And the real Ted Cruz really did go after Big Bird. Last weekend, after the character announced getting vaccinated, Cruz pounced. The senator, who often uses his Twitter account to attack Hollywood and the media, wrote, “Government propaganda … for your five year old!”
Bryant’s Cruz told the audience, “As you know, I was mocked for attacking Big Bird on Twitter, simply because I am a human senator and he is an eight foot tall fictional bird. But let’s see what happened to Big Bird after he got the vaccine.”
Then Big Bird arrived, telling Cruz, “Oh man. I don’t feel too good.”
“So this is what happened to you a week after you got the vaccine?” Cruz asked.
“It sure is,” Big Bird told him. “My feathers fell out. My nuts got huge. And my joints don’t work. It’s real bad man.”
Then Cruz responded, “Don’t worry. I read online that you can take a bath in Borax, and that will cleanse you of any nanotechnology.”
They then turned to “our resident medical expert, Joe Rogan,” with the podcast host played by Pete Davidson, who boasted, “I used to host Fear Factor, and now doctors fear me.”
“Can you help me, Joe?” Big Bird asked.
He then gave Big Bird zinc, ayahuasca, and some horse medicine.
“Why would a bird take horse medicine?” Big Bird asked.
“I am a human, and I took horse medicine,” Rogan responded.
Then he added, “And I am speaking of things that are horse-like. Today’s two sponsors are the letters ‘S’ and ‘D.’ As in I can ‘S’ my own ‘D.'” (We’ll see what Rogan says to that one.)
Later, Cruz made clear that there were more letter to talk about, including “three terrible letters, CR and T. As in Critical Race Theory,” as he invoked an obsession of the right.
“And I think it stands for ‘Caucasian Rights Trampled.’ That’s why the Proud Boys have been invading school board meetings to keep CRT out of our classrooms.”
Then two of the Proud Boys appeared — Bert and Ernie (Alex Moffat and Mikey Day). But Cruz didn’t quite get it when they announced that they are out and proud — and engaged.
“Engaged in a battle against the tyranny of wokeness!” Cruz said.
The skit also featured a visit of “Oscar the Slouch” and the “the Re-Count Count,” before concluding with the word of the day: “Freedom.” That was Cruz’s cue to introduce another guest, “Miss Britney Spears,” played by Chloe Fineman.
“Oh my God you guys we did it,” Spears said, a day after the real Spears gained her freedom from conservatorship.
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