Kate McKinnon returned to playing Dr. Anthony Fauci on a momentous week for Covid-19 guidance: The announcement that those who are fully vaccinated can go without a mask outdoors and indoors, with some exceptions.
The spoof was on the Centers for Disease Control attempting to explain just what those exceptions are and mask guidance going forward, amid a confusing set of circumstances and a public not always ready to follow along.
As the self-described “patron saint of Purell,” Fauci’s solution is to let the CDC’s own acting repertoire try to act out various Covid-19 safety guidance, via a set of rather inane improv scenes.
“As you probably heard, we got some very good news this week, and I am not just talking about JLo and Ben Affleck,” Fauci says. “The CDC announced that people who are vaccinated no longer need to wear masks, both outdoors and indoors, pretty great, right? But a lot of people had questions, such as what does that mean? What the hell are you talking about? Is this a trap?”
Fauci says that he enlisted a few doctors at the CDC “who minored in theater … to re-enact various scenarios in order to demonstrate correct mask behavior. Remember, they only had 24 hours to put this show together, so please welcome the CDC players.”
In the first scene, a man named “Dan” (Beck Bennett) walks into a bar.
“Do I still have to wear a mask indoors?” Dan says.
“You actually do not,” the waitress (Aidy Bryant) says.
“Great,” Dan says.
“As long as you are vaccinated,” she responds.
“No, I am not,” Dan says.
“Oh, then that’s bad,” she says.
“Well, I am entering a bar at 11 AM. Did you really think I was vaxxed? Because that’s on you,” he says.
“You’re right. I deserve Covid,” she responds.
Fauci responds, “I don’t know if that is the right takeaway. The real point is we have to trust each other, so please be honest and respectful.”
Then it is on to the next scene, a situation on an airplane, with a passenger (Bowen Yang) who wants a drink and is told by a flight attendant (Ego Nwodim) that he can get one as long as he keeps his mask on between sips.
The passenger is pleased. “By the way, I have been stuck inside for over a year, want to bang?” he says.
“You know I do,” the flight attendant says.
The passenger responds, “Let’s go for a real ride.”
Then Fauci says, “The lesson should be, you need masks on planes, not everybody horny now.”
Fauci then tries to show what should be done in a large crowd, but the scene is of maskless MAGA supporters “outside the Capitol,” i.e. on Jan. 6.
The next scene is of a situation at a retail business, where the owner tells a customer she still has to wear a mask.
“But I don’t need to wear a mask. I’m gay,” the customer says.
The owner is unfazed by the non sequitur. “And I’m an ally. The first hot dog is on me.”
Fauci is perturbed. “That’s not how that works. Being an ally is great but it’s got nothing to do with mask safety.”
Another scene is of two young people who started dating during the pandemic.
“This is exciting. We’re outside so we can definitely take our masks off,” the man says.
He takes it off, and the woman responds, “Oh no, I don’t like the bottom of your face. It looks like you grew mold under your mask.”
Then, on to the next scene, “a delicate situation, riding New York City transit,” as Fauci explains.
A woman says to a male rider, “You should know that masks are still required on buses, ferries and subways.”
The man responds, “But my question is, where should I masturbate? Because buses, ferries and subways all sound like great options.”
“You shouldn’t do that anywhere,” the woman says.
He responds, “Don’t worry. I’ll put a mask on first.”
Fauci’s reaction? “He missed a golden opportunity to say, ‘Thanks for the tip.'”
The scenes continue to get complicated, and end with one that Fauci calls “more of a riddle.” It’s of a situation in which four friends have gathered from three different households.
“We’re all half vaxxed, and traveling from Florida to the UK,” one of the friends says.
“One of us is old and severely at risk,” another says.
“And one of us is a baby,” another says.
“So how many of us should wear a mask and in which order?”
Baffled, Fauci says, “No idea what that’s supposed to demonstrate.”
Then the actors attempt to explain how “everything is good again,” revealing what they are doing with their masks now that they have all been vaccinated.
“When we come together as a society, we can solve anything,” a woman says.
Then another responds, “Now let’s talk about Israel.”
“That seems like a good place to end,” Fauci says. “So in summary, please everyone get the vaccine and enjoy life with no masks.” Then Fauci turns to the studio. “Except this audience, you guys, you got to keep them on.” In reality, they still do.
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