Late Night TV shows feasted Tuesday on news the Department of Justice had charged 50 people, including actresses Felicity Huffman and Lori Loughlin for allegedly scheming fix kids’ kids entrance applications to hoity-toity colleges. The actresses are among the parents who allegedly paid a fixer to secure their children spots at schools of choice, either with doctored SAT scores or faked athletic aptitude.
ABC’s Jimmy Kimmel noted there was a warrant for Lori Loughlin’s arrest, adding, “this could be the Becky with the good hair Beyonce warned us about.”
According to prosecutors, the nationwide scam had connections to the Boston area. “I knew there was a reason Matt Damon got into Harvard. It didn’t add up,” Kimmel said of his pal/nemesis.
The scandal is a “major deal” because “until this it was nearly impossible for wealthy parents to get their children into college,” Kimmel quipped. Naturally, Donald Trump Jr. took shots at the two actresses on Twitter, “as if he got into college because of his grades,” Kimmel snarked. “DJTJ went to University of Pennsylvania, where – coincidentally – his dad made a $100,000 donation when he was a freshman.”
NBC’s Late Night star Seth Meyers pronounced it “the worst thing Felicity Huffman’s ever done, and the second worst thing Lori Loughlin has,” as image of Netflix’s Fuller House popped up on screen:
CBS Late Show star Stephen Colbert noted the “huge scandal” is about higher education “so Donald Trump is not involved,” which he called “sort of refreshing in a horrible way.”
FBI got tipped off, Colbert said, by the essay question on the schools’ application: “Reflect on an accomplishment that sparked personal growth and/or list your parents’ credit card number. What prompted your choice? What is the 3-digit security code?”
While the arrest of Huffman, and the warrant out for Loughlin, are shocking, Colbert reminded that, back in the 90’s Loughlin was part of a “notorious scheme where they made twins pretend to be one person.”
Trevor Noah described it as the biggest scandal to rock American colleges “since the invention of the red solo cup” – presumably a reference to photos of students saluting and/or playing beer pong with red Solo cups formed into a swastika.
“I’m so disappointed in you Aunt Becky,’ Noah said, addressing a photo of Loughlin. “I mean I expected this from a Desperate Housewife, but you?!”
The scam is infuriating, he said, demanding rich kids go back to getting into college the old fashioned way – “their parents donating a library.”