“This was a long speech, a really long speech. His speech was longer than his tie,” Kimmel snarked. “He spoke for so long, Robert Mueller handed down another 5 indictments.”
“He spoke for longer than he was married to Marla Maples.”
Trump presented a lot of “exciting new ideas,” Kimmel admitted. “For instance, did you know Mexicans are scary and we need to build a wall to keep them away? Did you know this Guillermo? Trump talked more about fighting Aliens tonight than Sigourney Weaver.”
Republicans ate it up.
Trump’s address took more than a 80 minutes. Minus all the applause breaks, however, it would have been seven minutes. “But there was so much clapping, because they know he’s going to go home and he’s going to see who was clapping and who was not,” Kimmel revealed.
Meanwhile, behind Trump, Veep Mike Pence and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi “sat there like Mom and Dad, the first Thanksgiving after the divorce,” Kimmel described.
The President spoke with “all the elegance of a book report written by a third grader on the bus,” Kimmel described.
The theme of tonight’s address was “choosing greatness.”
“His MAGA-sty listed his achievements over the past two years. And, whether you agree with what he’s done or not
it’s hard to argue with the fact that
Donald Trump has done more in his first two years than any President who only works two hours a day ever, and that’s for sure,” KImmel insisted.
Trump also laid out a 10-year strategy to reduce transmission of HIV. “He hates AIDS; that’s why he fires one every two weeks,” the ABC late-night host explained.
Trump also announced, and this was a major announcement, that he’d be meeting North Korean ruler Kim Jong Un in Vietnam, of all places “unless his father’s doctor writes him a letter. In which case, he will stay home,” Kimmel said.
In a funny moment, Trump took credit for creating jobs for women, after which all the new women in Congress who beat the candidates he supported and who were wearing white, stood up and cheered.
“I haven’t seen an audience full of women that happy Since Oprah gave a bunch of Pontiacs away,” Kimmel observed.