Robert Mueller’s probe of Russian meddling in the presidential election will block us from “peace and legislation,” President Donald Trump threatened in his State of the Union address.

“Another 300,000 jobs” were added to the U.S. economy last month,” Trump crowed, calling it “almost double the number expected,” as Republicans cheered.

“An economic miracle is taking place in the United States and the only thing that can stop it are foolish wars, politics, or ridiculous partisan investigations,” he bullied.

“If there is going to be peace and legislation, there cannot be war and investigation,” he added ominously, saying “It just doesn’t work that way.”

The country must “reject the politics of revenge, resistance and retribution,” said the man who has given the country a master class in all three over the past two years.

America must “embrace the boundless potential of cooperation, compromise, and the common good,” said the man who walked out of his border wall meeting with Dems before triggering the longest government shutdown in the country’s history. “We must choose between greatness or gridlock, results or resistance, vision or vengeance, incredible progress or pointless destruction. Tonight, I ask you to choose greatness.”

To that point, Trump said his administration has sent to Congress a “common sense proposal to end the crisis on the southern border.” Over Trump’s left shoulder, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s mouth began to twitch.

Moments earlier, in SOTU paragraphs no doubt contributed by Trump’s Secretary Of They’re Coming For Us Stephen Miller, Trump warned of yet another caravan heading toward our southern border, causing much groaning to break out on the Dem side of the chamber.

Then he seemed to go off script, adding “I want people to come into our country in the largest numbers ever – but they have to come in legally.”

Trump said his “common sense proposal” includes “humanitarian assistance, more law enforcement, drug detection at our ports, closing loopholes that enable child smuggling and plans for a new physical barrier – or wall – to secure the vast areas between our ports of entry.”

“In the past, most of the people in this room voted for a wall, but the proper wall never got built. I will get it built,” chest-thumped Trump, to wild applause from the Republican side of the chamber.

“This is a smart, strategic, see-through steel barrier, not just a simple concrete wall,” he pitched. “It will be deployed in the areas identified by the border agents as having the greatest need, and these agents will tell you where walls go up, illegal crossings go way, way down.”

In other moments of gaslighting, Trump declared that the country was barreling toward major war with North Korea had he not swept into the White House and saved us all.

He also gave a big wet kiss to his evangelical base, making a pitch for more control over women’s reproductive rights.

Before that gobsmacker, in one of the more unexpected moments for Trump, he said the country’s economic growth has included women filling 58% of new jobs in the country.

Whooping and hollering erupted on the Dem side, especially from the Women in White who were honoring the 100th anniversary of the suffragette movement that battled to get women the right to vote in the country.

“You weren’t supposed to do that!” he addressed them, adding, “thank you very much.”

When they started to sit down he told them, “Don’t sit yet. You’re going to like this!” causing laughter to break out.

“Exactly one century after Congress passed the constitutional amendment giving women the right to vote, we also have more women serving in Congress than at any time before!”

“USA! USA!” the House chamber broke out, waving their arms and cheering.

Trump’s SOTU got off to a crooked start. More accurately his necktie did. It was askew on his chest, and Twitter erupted.  Eventually it fell into place.