It’s been a wild week on the political scene, so Saturday Night Live’s Cold Open had “Tucker Carlson” (cast member Alex Moffat) ask a rogues gallery of newsmakers exactly what happened.
First up: Judge Jeannine Pirro (Cecily Strong), who, when asked whether the Democrats non-support of the wall on the southern border would be a welcome mat for MS-13, responded, “Si, Senor!” Pirro suggested a Marie Kondo approach to cleaning up this country. If something doesn’t spark joy, throw it out. What doesn’t spark joy for Pirro? “Guatemala!”
Next up was Wilbur Ross, the befuddled Secretary of Commerce (played by Kate McKinnon) who suggested furloughed workers take out loans to cover their bills during the government shutdown.
Ross admitted the loan idea was wrong. Instead, “They could have liquidated stocks or sold one of their paintings – it will get you through a week or two of yacht maintenance. We all have to make sacrifices – you could open a restaurant in your house. or have your horses attend public school.”
Finally, Roger Stone (a surprise guest appearance by Steve Martin) was trotted out. The 66-year-old Stone was raided by the FBI this week in what many thought was an overkill assault on an elderly man.
Have the legal entanglements hurt him? Yes, he said. No one will buy his books. Why? “Because they’re bad!”
Stone also played the age card. “I’m almost as old as Sting!” But he has set up a fund to help with the legal bills, inspired by what he believes passerby shout at him: “Hey, Roger – go fund yourself!”
You can watch the video above.
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