“Another big decision in the landmark case of Donald Trump v Getting Caught,” Stephen Colbert announced at the top of Late Show hours after Trump’s former fixer Michael Cohen got sentenced to three years in prison for various crimes, including paying $130K in hush money to Stormy Daniels during Trump’s campaign.
“Little tip: first day in prison you walk right up to the biggest guy in the yard, you pay him $130K,” CBS’s late-night host advised.
Before climbing into the prison bus, Cohen made sure to throw Trump under it, telling the court he’s guilty of feeling it was his duty to cover up Trump’s “dirty deeds” – “who I believe was Stormy Daniels’ co-star,” Colbert snarked.
Cohen told the court he was relieved to finally not be under Trump’s teeny-tiny thumb any more, saying he has been living in a form of incarceration the entire time he’s been getting rich working for Trump and saying that, ironically, being sentenced is the day he is getting his freedom back.
“That’s how bad working for Trump is,” Colbert said of Cohen’s happiness to trade “metaphor jail for jail.”
“Actually, the irony is that while you’re in prison for your crimes, the guy who ordered you to do the crimes will be at Mar a Lago, sharing chocolate cake with Xi Jinping and Kid Rock,” Colbert corrected Cohen in his description of his “slow descent into finding out what the law is.”