First, Triumph talked to early-voting Beto fans, a “terrifying swarm of degenerate leftists with one thing in common: they all share the same Netflix account.”
With reports of voter suppression and voting machines switching Dem votes, Triumph (aka Robert Smigel) coached Beto fans how to “behave more white” at their polling place:
“Repeat after me: ‘Have you seen the new season of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel? It’s even better than Gilmore Girls!'”
Triumph handed out stickers to early voters that read: “I’m Pretty Sure I Voted” and “Just Light Enough To Vote.”
Beto Bombs At CNN Town Hall Crowd Collection
Moving over to Cruz voters, Triumph noted that the senator famously called Trump “amoral,” “philanderer,” and “buffoon.”
“Now, in a major shift he just thinks it.”
People have compared Cruz to the Zodiac killer, which Triumph called unfair, “since his plan to end Obamacare would kill way more people – I mean way, way, way, way more people!”
“I’m not saying Ted Cruz supports racist policies, but he was just given the 9 AM hour of Today show,” Triumph snarked.
Triumph buttonholed Cruz, who came with a zinger, telling the comic dog puppet, “Just remember, it was the Dems that took you into the vets to get fixed.”
Shot back Triumph, “I support spaying and neutering, just like Trump did to you.”
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