The late night comics continued the annual Thanksgiving tradition of stuffing their monologues with White House-pardoned turkey jokes. The tastiest? Hard to beat Colbert’s.
“Every year,” Colbert said on CBS’ The Late Show, “the American people get a choice between sparing two birds. This year they’re named Peas and Carrots. The turkeys disguised themselves as vegetables so Trump would not be tempted to eat them.”
And while the fat freedom-loving birds were obvious and easy targets, the day’s real news was too grim for most of the late-night monologues – but Colbert went there. Regarding the president’s exclamation-pointed statement pledging to stand by Saudi Arabia’s Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman despite a CIA report expected to link MBS to the horrific killing of Washington Post columnist Jamal Khashoggi, Colbert, mimicking the now-infamous words of the president, said, “Did Donald Trump just knowingly provide cover for a murderous autocrat? Maybe he did, maybe he didn’t.”
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Colbert then mouthed the words, “Yes, he did.” (Watch the clip above: Saudi Arabia comes about 4:12 into the monologue).
Doing his best Trump impression, Colbert quoted yesterday’s presidential statement – the “calm, reassuring” opening phrase “The world is a very dangerous place!”
“It is now,” Colbert added. “Apparently you can kill a Washington Post journalist and the president don’t give damn.” As for Trump’s wishy-washy, maybe-maybe not defense of MBS, Colbert mocked, “A magic eight ball would have taken a firmer stance.”
“It’s like the old story,” Colbert continued. “First they came for the journalists, and I said nothing. Next they came with a bag of money, and I said thank you.”
As for Peas and Carrots, here’s a few other late-night takes:
Said Jimmy Fallon on NBC’s Tonight Show: “Before the ceremony, the turkey was shampooed and dusted with baby powder to make him glisten. It’s very interesting, because every morning the White House staff does the same thing to Trump.”
Other topics on the late-night radar included Trump’s “A+ Weekend” and Ivanka Trump’s emails:
“Trump gave himself an A+,” said James Corden on CBS’ Late Late Show: “I gotta say, with grades like that I think he should be allowed to skip a couple years and graduate early.”
And on NBC’s Late Night, Seth Meyers called Ivanka’s use of personal email for White House business a “closely held secret.” Not as closely held? “Don Jr. as a child…”
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