Even in the World According to Trump, this was a busy news day. Well, more like a bunch of little stories stacked like a Trump-branded skyscraper built on a Superfund site.

Before President Donald Trump headed south for Thanksgiving in South Florida, he and the White House touched on a fistful of topics. He sided with the Saudi Crown Prince over the young ruler’s role in journalist Jamal Khashoggi. He assured everyone that the U.S. troops protecting the southern border against the onrushing migrant hordes that all’s just ducky down there. “They are so proud to be representing our country on the border,” he said — rather than, y’know, being with their families for the holiday. “These are tough people.”

In additional to all that, all this happened today in the Divided States of America:

  • Trump took reporters’ questions for about 20 minutes on the South Lawn before going wheels-up to FLA. During such he shrugged off the burgeoning scandal about White House Senior Adviser and first daughter Ivanka Trump’s email shenanigans. Hypocrisy, you ask? Bah. “Just so you understand, early and for a little period of time, Ivanka did some emails,” the president said. “They weren’t classified like Hillary Clinton. They weren’t deleted like Hillary Clinton. She wasn’t doing that to hide her emails.” He added: “You’re talking about a whole different — you’re talking about all fake news.”
  • María de la Luz Ascencio/Shutterstock

    White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders issued a statement lambasting a federal judge’s a temporary restraining order that blocks the administration’s asylum ban for migrants crossing the southern U.S. border illegally. “This decision will open the floodgates, inviting countless illegal aliens to pour into our country on the American taxpayer’s dime,” she wrote in a press release (read it in full below). “We will take all necessary action to defend the executive branch’s lawful response to the crisis at our southern border.”

  • Trump’s Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke continued to blame anyone but nature or Republicans for the horrific wildfires that killed dozens of Americans, likely hundreds. “Lawsuit after lawsuit by, yes, the radical environmental groups that would rather burn down an entire forest than thin a single tree,” this guy said. “So yes, I do lay it at their feet.”
  • Trump’s legal team they have submitted his answers to Special Counsel Robert Mueller’s written questions. “It has been our position from the outset that much of what has been asked raises serious constitutional issues and was beyond the scope of a legitimate inquiry,” POTUS counsel Rudy Giuliani said in a statement. “The President has nonetheless provided unprecedented cooperation.
  • Manuel Balce Ceneta/Shutterstock

    Trump presided over the traditional pre-Thanksgiving turnkey-pardoning ceremony in the Rose Garden, during which he had some fun with the birds’ veggie-fied names and did a few comedy jokes after deciding to spare them both. “Even though Peas and Carrots have received a presidential pardon,” POTUS said, “I have warned them that House Democrats are likely to issue them both subpoenas.” He added, “Unfortunately, I can’t guarantee that your pardons won’t be enjoined by the Ninth Circuit. Always happens.”

Here is the full text of Sanders’ release today:

Statement from the Press Secretary

At this very moment, massive numbers of aliens are arriving at our southern border, threatening to incapacitate our already overwhelmed immigration system.  Yet now, a single district judge has issued a nationwide temporary restraining order preventing the executive branch from performing its Constitutional duty to enforce our borders and control entry into the United States.  This decision will open the floodgates, inviting countless illegal aliens to pour into our country on the American taxpayer’s dime.  Today’s ruling is contrary to well-established Federal law, the Attorney General’s and Secretary of Homeland Security’s discretion under the Immigration and Nationality Act, and the President’s own Constitutional and statutory authority.  This temporary injunction is yet another example of activist judges imposing their open borders policy preferences, which are rejected by the overwhelming majority of the American people, and interfering with the executive branch’s authority to administer the immigration system in a manner that ensures the Nation’s safety, security, and the rule of law.  We will take all necessary action to defend the executive branch’s lawful response to the crisis at our southern border.