“I’d like to begin today’s remarks providing an update on the suspicious packages and devices mailed to current and former high ranking government officials,” President Donald Trump said this afternoon at a White House presser that had been set up to discuss his administration’s progress in its fight against opioid addiction.

“We are angry about what we witnesses his morning,” Trump insisted. He made his remarks as yet another suspected bomb was discovered to have been sent to Maxine Waters – Low IQ Maxine, as Trump likes to call her at his rallies.

The growing list of people who were intended to receive the suspected bombs reads like a whose who of Trump’s favorite targets, including:

Hillary Clinton

Barack Obama

Former CIA director John Brennan, to whom the bomb sent to CNN was addressed

Eric Holder

Liberal philanthropist George Soros

“The safety of the American people is my highest and absolute priority,” Trump said at the White House, adding had just concluded a briefing with FBI, DOJ, Homeland Security and Secret Service.

The packages are being inspected by top explosive experts and a major federal investigation is now underway, POTUS said.

“The full weight of our government is being deployed to conduct and bring those responsible for these dispicable acts to justice. We will spare no resources or expense in this effort.”

“And I wanted to tell you that, in these times, we have to unify, we have to come together, and send one very clear, strong, unmistakable message, that that acts or threats of political violence have no place in the United States of America.”

For which, Donald Trump received a standing ovation.