UPDATED with video: If you were watching the news, you know today was the “most divisive day in America since Laurel and Yanni – if Yanni was trying to get on the Supreme Court and Laurel had some disturbing stories to tell about him,” Stephen Colbert said hours after the Senate Judiciary Committee testimony.
Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh testified after one of the women who has accused him of assault, Dr. Christine Blasey Ford.
“She went first, and the testimony was deeply moving, Colbert said, telling viewers, “Don’t take my word for it; ask the snowflakes over at Fox News” cuing clip of Fox News taking heads calling her testimony “very sympathetic, exceptionally credible, and, said Chris Wallace “a disaster for Republicans.”
“Although, to be fair, their last disaster is president now,” Colbert acknowledged.
Ford’s testimony was widely agreed to be believable and heartbreaking.
“Word was, Trump was telling people he’s furious the White House didn’t have advance knowledge of how credible she would seem,” Colbert said, snarking Trump-ily, “How come none of you told me it was possible to speak without embarrassing yourself?!”
At the outset, Sen Dianne Feinstein wanted to make things very clear to Ford: this is not a trial of her; it’s a job interview for Judge Kavanaugh:
“Okay, Brett, it says here on your resume you’re a Yale grad – very impressive. Says you finished at the top of your class. And you have multiple sexual assault allegations against you,” is how Colbert imagined that job interview going, adding, “I’m sorry, but you’re just not Arby’s material. Try the Supreme Court.”
Committee chairman Chuck Grassley tried his best to accommodate Ford, telling her before her testimony, “any time you ask for a break, you get a break. Any time there is something that you need that you don’t have, just ask us.”
Shot back Colbert, “Okay, how about an FBI investigation?”
Calling it “one of the longest days I can remember…and I’ve been to a Renaissance Fair,” Colbert told viewers that, after Ford got asked questions, Judge Brett Kavanaugh “came out with a well-coiffed head of steam.” [watch below]
“The whole two-week effort has been a calculated and orchestrated political hit,” he whined, “fueled with apparent pent-up anger about President Trump and the 2016 election, fear that has been unfairly stoked about my judiciary record, revenge on behalf of the Clintons.”
Colbert translated: “I will be a non-biased and impartial judge, just an umpire calling balls and strikes being secretly thrown by George Soros and Hillary Clinton.”
Clearly Kavanaugh thought he’d already faced his Senate grilling, and was upset he was being subjected to more, Colbert observed:
“The behavior of several Democratic members of this committee at my hearing a few weeks ago was an embarrassment. But at least it was just a good old fashioned attempt at Borking,” Kavanaugh had whined, making a reference to the failed 1987 nomination of Robert Bork to the country’s top court.
Corrected Colbert, “Sir, we’re here because of accusations of non-consensual Borking.”
“But despite all this, he never lost his sunny disposition,” Colbert joked of Kavanaugh’s testimony, showing a clip of Kavanaugh grimacing “I am an optimist.”
“Believe it or not, he got a little less optimistic,” Colbert quipped, followed by a clip of Kavanaugh saying at the hearing, “today, I have to say, I fear for the future.”
“#MeToo,” shot back Colbert.
Must Read Stories
Subscribe to Deadline Breaking News Alerts and keep your inbox happy.