Though we seem to always be in one of those “too soon to talk about it” periods gun control skeptics talk about, Michelle Wolf nonetheless tackles the topic in the latest episode of Netflix’s The Break with Michelle Wolf launching Sunday.
In a sketch about an office orientation safety video, Wolf explains how simple it is for even a barely trained civilian to rush headlong into a mass shooting situation. Using their handy firearm, they can not only take out the bad guy/guys but not hurt bystanders. Wolf also provides helpful hints on how to handle the onslaught of media interview requests that are sure to follow – “hold out for Vanity Fair. Vanity Fair is a must” and “be sure to practice your dance moves before going on Ellen.”
The training video even provides pointers on how to appropriately acknowledge President Donald Trump when, delivering his next State of the Union Address to a joint session of Congress, he says what a good thing it was that you had your gun on you. Trump, of course, has been a real champion of Good Guy With A Gun since meeting with NRA reps in the wake of the Valentine’s Day high school shooting in Parkland, Florida in which 17 students and staff were slaughtered.
“The most challenging thing will come weeks after, when Christopher Nolan asks to adapt your story to the big screen,” Wolf says in the video. “He will suggest Leonardo DiCaprio or Ryan Gosling play you,” which is when you will need to joke, self-effacingly, “Are you sure those guys are handsome enough?”
Then, there’s the treacherous acceptance-speech minefield to navigate after your movie’s inevitable Oscar win. Wolf’s training video has that covered too.