UPDATED with video: In maybe his most biting monologue yet, Stephen Colbert told viewers “I get up every day and I live in hope that will be the day that I will be surprised by the news.”
“But mostly I’m just shocked by how unsurprising everything is.”
Entirely predictable, Colbert said, there has yet to be any announcement from the Trump administration as to “what they’re going to do to put these stolen kids back together with their parents. And no indication that they could successfully do so.”
So, he told his viewers, the genealogy-search company 23andme is donating DNA kits to help reunite immigrant families.
“Good for them, but while they’re at it, can they test Donald Trump’s DNA too?” Colbert asked. “I want to find out what species can survive that long without a heart. Because the President is not freeing the children.”
Meanwhile, Trump does not want to hire more judges to handle the backlog of asylum seekers, tweeting we “cannot allow all of these people to invade our Country” and they should be sent home “with no judges or court cases.”
Trump argues many prospective judges could be corrupt. “This is another thing we should be surprised by,” Colbert argued. “The President of the United States argues you can’t hire any judges because you can’t trust them – they might be corrupt – or, even worse, they might not be.”
While the children wait to find out if they ever will be reunited with their parents, they are required to stand and recite the Pledge of Allegiance to the United States every morning.
“You can’t make migrant children recite the pledge of allegiance to a country where they’re not welcome,” Colbert argued.