TV News used to be so lame. It used to be just Walter Cronkite saying boring things like ‘The President has been shot.”
“Thankfully that’s not news any more. News got a sexy glow-up” and now has “all the drama and substance and Botox of a Real Housewives wine fight,” she said.
Among examples cited, CNN’s Don Lemon “seen canoodling former Trump campaign adviser Steve Cortes.” And by “canoodling” she means Lemon berating Cortes: “You sit here and you spin and lie to my face!”
“As a fan I just love this kind of TV magic,” Wolf enthuses. “Watching the host act like the guest forced his way into the studio is so compelling you almost forget he was invited on – and paid. Good job Don! You knew Steve was going to lie and you gave us a fun clip to share and that’s exactly why you invite him back all the time!” she gushed as screen grabs of multiple Cortes appearances on Lemon’s show appeared on screen.
She’s talking about the time Tapper had President Donald Trump’s baby-snatching border policy mastermind Miller on his show, then, 12 minutes in, accused Miller of being “obsequious and a factotum” to an audience of one (aka Trump), adding, “I think I’ve wasted enough of my viewers time” and ending the interview abruptly.
“Wow, Jake, you really snatched his wig!” Wolf snarked. “You brought him on your show and bravely cut his mic after 12 minutes. I haven’t seen a feud this saucy since Bette and Joan, except, in this case, Bette invited Joan over and Joan is a Nazi. This is one show you’ll want to binge and purge!”
But the crowning achievement in TV news, Wolf suggested, was ABC This Week‘s recent interview with Steve Bannon, “the guy who was kicked out of the White House, Breitbart and several Curves gyms.”
Would Steve “dish some hot goss on his former boss?”
When asked if his former boss Donald Trump had ever lied, Bannon said “Not to my knowledge, no” — except when Trump called him sloppy, which clearly got under Bannon’s skin and has stuck there ever since.
Wolf described Bannon as having the “quick wit of David Spade and the decomposed body of Chris Farley.”
That interview jumped the shark the minute it was booked, Wolf scolded.
“That’s how these beautifully crafted news dramas come together: You invite someone on your show because you know they’ll say something crazy, and you get to act outraged, and we all watch it and talk about it,” Wolf explained. “It’s like one long brothel orgy from Game of Thrones, where you’re all getting paid and we’re all getting f*cked.”
“Imagine if these shows just reported the news,” Wolf said, getting to her point. “They would not need any of these guests at all. All they would have to say is ‘Immigrants’ kids have been ripped from their parents due to Trump’s policies. End Of News.”
She at least gave the Jake Tappers of TV news credit for being not “nearly as bad as racist catheter peddlers over at Fox News.”
“But you’re still an accomplice if you’re giving a megaphone to a liar.”