Kilmer made his remarks in a lengthy post on Facebook, mixing anger with spiritual invocations. “Oh the dark thick pain of loss. The selfishness,” Kilmer said. “How many moments away were you from feeling the love that was universal. From every corner of the world you were loved. So selfish. You’ve given us cause to be so angry.”
Kilmer then told of “a spiritual guide” who told him that “suicide is the most selfish act.”
“So what? I hear you took your life in paris,” Kilmer continued. “What hotel? Did you relapse? Did you just get home from the best meal of your life? Did you cheat on your girl. Those of us that knew you are shocked and angry and angry and angry selfishly angry, for what you just did to us. Millions I should think. At least a million people like me who imagine they know you. Some imagine they know you even well. But you heard that phone ringing, you felt it buzzing in your coat or pants pocket, vibrating a million times, but you didn’t answer it. You let it ring out. Did you bleed out? Did you suffocate? Did you jump. No you didn’t jump. Is it important we know how you did it? No. But that you did it.”
Health problems centered on his throat cancer have limited Kilmer in the past few years, although he has just signed on for the Top Gun sequel.
“Would you have taken your life two years ago when like me you were unable to take in food and move it with your tongue over your taste buds because your tongue was too swollen? Is too swollen,” Kilmer said.
Bourdain, who leaves an 11-year-old daughter, should not have given in to his despair, Kilmer contended. “You could have and should have given it one more shot. Sometimes we must live in service to another’s life and live with no hope of equality. Life isn’t fair that way. Who says you had a right to take away all this love from us so soon?”
Kilmer concluded: “I fell asleep to watching you enjoy Uruguay last night. It was a rerun but I always find something I didn’t see before… you left too soon. And I’m going to prove it…”
Naturally, many took issue with Kilmer’s attack. Surprisingly, Kilmer responded to several of them, telling one that “love can heal.”
“It is not that I believe because he had an illness it was up to him to be solely responsible,” he said. “You I am sorry to say, didn’t read what I wrote very carefully. I have grown up around extreme depression my whole life and have studied it intensely. I certainly wouldn’t judge his pain nor did I claim to. But clearly he felt he couldn’t take another breath and Love and a search for it enables us to try one more time. Is it not selfish that he could not consider his poor daughters needs for even an hour before committing the act. I am sorry you feel so violated as to wish to not know me in any way or now wish to find no value in my art. The way you talk makes me think you didn’t pay much attention to bourdains life or words either. He tried to see the big picture, and his tireless effort lead him to see sometimes very deeply…”