The only thing that terrifies President Donald Trump more than going bald is Robert Mueller’s investigation, Trevor Noah said last night, after someone leaked to New York Times a list of 49 questions Mueller wants to ask the president.
“Everyone knows, unless it’s in a hotel room in Russia, President Trump does not like leaks,” Noah reminded his The Daily Show viewers.
Trump then tweeted: “So disgraceful that the questions concerning the Russian Witch Hunt were ‘leaked’ to the media. No questions on Collusion. Oh, I see…you have a made up phony crime, Collusion, that never existed, and an investigation begun with illegally leaked classified information. Nice!”
Calling Trump “America’s First Sarcastic President,” Noah added, “Don’t get me wrong, having a sarcastic president is cool, until the shit hits the fan: ‘Oh, you’re going to kill all these hostages? Nice! Oh wait you really did? My bad!'”
Trump’s tweet suggested Mueller’s team did the leaking, but pundits mostly agree they likely came from Team Trump, pointing out the grammatical errors, among other things. Prevailing theory: Trump’s legal team cannot convince him not to sit down with Mueller. So they leaked the questions to NYT, knowing the questions would then make their way to cable news, which Trump watches obsessively.
“Being Trump’s lawyer must be so exhausting!” Noah sympathized. “He won’t listen to you so, you have to launder your legal advice through the TV. Trump’s lawyers are basically doing the same thing parents do to get their kids to eat greens.”
And guess which news program host did exactly what Trump’s team needed?
Cut to Fox News Channel star Sean Hannity: “This garbage from New York Times tonight? Absolute garbage! No attorney will ever let the president sit down with Robert Mueller,” Hannity scoffed. “This New York Times thing? Put it in your fireplace and burn it! Half of these questions are dumb anyway. ‘What was in your mind at the time?’ You don’t punish people, or charge people, for the thoughts they have in their head!”
Hannity is, Noah declared, “the wrongest right sounding person you will ever meet.”
“You realize you can get charged because of the thoughts you had in your head. It’s called ‘criminal intent’. It’s such a basic concept of law & order that they put it in the name of the show:
“Law & Order; Criminal Intent.”