Late night TV hosts won’t have Paul Ryan to kick around much longer, though with his biceps they always had to do it at a safe distance anyway. Ryan’s gym habit was a frequent target of last night’s monologues – that, and, as more than one comic said, his dream of robbing poor kids of health care.
Here’s a rundown of the not-so-sweet goodbyes:
The Daily Show with Trevor Noah
Comedy Central’s Trevor Noah, bidding farewell to a guy who “eye bangs himself in the gym mirror,” had one of the better fitness-related jokes of the night, noting that Ryan is “stepping down, then stepping back up, then stepping down. I guess it’s leg day.”
Noah got a bit more serious showing a montage of old clips of Ryan lambasting national debt, with the future Speaker asking at one point what could be worth “selling out” our children and grandchildren?
“Uh, tax cuts?” answered Noah.
Calling Ryan “a complete fraud,” Noah poured a 40 in his honor – 40 grams of protein shake, right on the host’s desk. Don’t worry, he said. “Just like Paul Ryan’s deficit, someone else is going to have to clean this up.”
Check out the segment above. The Ryan jokes come around the 4:08 mark.
Jimmy Kimmel Live
Noting a “major disturbance in The Force today,” ABC’s Kimmel also pointed out Ryan’s weird verbal fumble in announcing his retirement from Congress: “I intend to full my serve term.” Kimmel also noted Ryan’s only regret: “Not talking away health care from more poor people, that will haunt him for some time.”
Best part of the segment though was a brief video tribute to Ryan’s gym attendance, with an attendant of the Congressional gym ambling mournfully around an empty locker room:
The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon
NBC’s Fallon had the best take on a much-made observation last night. Ryan, Fallon said, “wants to spend more time with his children at home and less time with the child in the White House.”
And noting Ryan’s “full my serve term,” responded, “Thank You and may bless God the States United.”
The Late Show with Stephen Colbert
Describing Ryan as “the CrossFit Dracula,” CBS’ Colbert also took a shot at Ryan’s excuse for leaving: He wants to spend more time with his wife and kids, “which, of course, is what he calls his biceps.”
Then there was Donald Trump’s tweet noting “We are with you Paul!,” which Colbert translated as, “by that he means Republicans will be leaving office in November.”
Late Night with Seth Meyers
NBC’s Meyers didn’t dwell too much on Ryan’s exit, but had a nice twist on the Speaker’s final words: “Squeak, squeak, squeak,” with a photo showing a rat fleeing a sinking ship:
The Late Late Show with James Corden
Shocking!, said CBS’ Corden. “Someone is leaving Washington and Trump didn’t fire them.”
Corden also bid a hearty farewell to all the weight-lifting jokes his show has made about Ryan over the years, getting in one last chance (for now) of those goofy dumbbell pics. “Thankfully, we don’t have to show you those anymore,” said Corden, before taking a final glance:
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