“I had another interesting day,” Kimmel began his wind-up to what would be a wild exchange.
“I woke up this morning early. I did two hours of pilates, as I do every morning. I shampooed, I condished,” Kimmel teased.
“And then I open my computer and find out I’m at war with Sean Hannity. And Fox News. Who, by the way, I thought were my ‘& Friends’,” he snarked, in re FNC’s morning show Fox & Friends having also blasted him Thursday morning for his White House Easter Egg Roll monologue bit the previous night.
“Because there is nothing important going on in the country right now, Sean Hannity and his fellow Fox News ‘people’ spent a lot of time talking about me today,” Kimmel explained. “Hannity apparently took issue with a joke I made on this show Monday night – and this is what he had to say about that:
Kimmel ran a clip of Hannity telling his viewers:
On Monday night – this is brutal – Liberal Jimmy Kimmel made fun of the First Lady of the United States and her involvement in the White House Easter Egg Roll. Even her accent. Jimmy, you’re a despicable disgrace.”
Hannity then ran the clip of Kimmel making jokes about Melania Trump’s involvement in the White House’s annual event, and her accent while reading a book to children.
“Ass-clown Kimmel,” Hannity said when the clip finished. “What a disgrace. Hey Mr. Kimmel, that’s her fifth language. How many do you speak?”
“Six,” Kimmel responded. “I speak six languages. I speak exactly one more than Melania. I speak English. Spanish. Italian. What else? Chinese. Is Vegenaise a language? I don’t know.”
“I do not speak Ass Clown, though. What even is an ass clown? I was thinking about it this morning. Is it an ass that’s a clown? Or is it a clown – that actually lives in an ass? I honestly don’t know. And more importantly, why is Sean Hannity openly fantasizing about clowns in the ass?”
“Sean Hannity’s problem,” Kimmel said, “is, for eight years while Obama was President, he was unable to get an erection. For eight years, not one erection. And he tried everything…He tried looking at pictures of Paul Ryan with his shirt off. Didn’t work.”
“He went to office Christmas parties with Bill O’Reilly. Nothing worked.”
“But now that Trump is president…Sean Hannity is unable to have anything but an erection. He’s had an erection since November of 2016. And it’s driving him mad. He’s lost his mind.”
“This is the guy who defended the multiply-alleged pedophile Roy Moore. And I’m a despicable disgrace. I’m the Ass Clown!”
“If I’m an Ass Clown – and I might very well be – you, Sean, are the whole Ass Circus. You’re the Juggler, you’re the Trapeze Artist, you are the Ass Lion Tamer and the Ass Human Cannonball all jammed into one little car.”
“You are the Ringling Brothers and Barnum and Bailey of Ass Clownsmanship.”
“You know what I think is disrespectful to the First Lady?” Kimmel asked Hannity, in absentia: “Cheating on her with a porn star after she has a baby. Why don’t you rant a little about that, Sean Hannity? And go get a haircut, you hippie!”