Roy Moore, the guy who is running for Senate in Alabama, “even though multiple women accused him of hitting on them, groping them, etc. before they were 18 years old,” is not happy with Jimmy Kimmel, the ABC late-night host announced on his show.
Heading into the December 12 election, Moore leads Dem candidate Doug Jones by 5 or 6 points in new polls. This “even though Roy Moore was reportedly so creepy around young girls he was banned from the mall in Gadsden, Alabama,” Kimmel explained.
At a rally for Moore, held in a church in Theodore, Alabama, one attendee “just happened to be our friend Jake Byrd,” Kimmel joked, describing “Byrd” as a “character who has a Forrest Gump-like knack for showing up at all the big events…he’s very passionate.”
The next morning, Moore tweeted: “@jimmykimmel If you want to mock our Christian values, come down here to Alabama and do it man to man. #ALSen”.”
Much Twitter back-and-forthing later, “the bottom line is this. I accept the invitation. I will come down there,” Kimmel said.
Predicting it would meet with Moore’s approval, Kimmel said he would take with him a team of high school cheerleaders.
“We’ll meet you at the mall. Don’t worry, I can get you in,” Kimmel assured Moore, in case he was watching the monologue.
“And if you can somehow manage to keep little Roy in your little cowboy pants when those nubile young cheerleaders come bounding in, you and I will sit down at the food court. We’ll have a little Panda Express, and we’ll talk about Christian values.”
“Because, and I know it doesn’t fit your stereotype, I happen to be a Christian too,” Kimmel told Moore. “I made my first Holy Communion, I was confirmed, I pray, I support my church. One of my closest friends is a priest. I baptized my children. Christian is actually my middle name. I know that’s shocking, but it’s true.”
Kimmel offered to share with Moore “what I learned at my church.”
“At my church…when you commit a sin, at our church we’re encouraged to confess and ask for forgiveness for the sin. Not call the women you allegedly victimized liars and damage them even more. But maybe your church is different, I don’t know. Let’s figure it out together!”
On the other hand, Kimmel noted it’s more likely Moore’s “do it man to man” gag meant he was challenging Kimmel to a fight.
“And if you are, I accept by the way…I will put my Christian values aside just for you and for that fight,” he agreed.
“I’ll wear a Girl Scout uniform so you can have something to get excited about. And the winner, whoever wins the fight, will give all the money we charge for the tickets to charity. My charity will be the women who came forward to say you molested them. OK, tough guy, with your little pistol?”
Kimmel promised his viewers, “not everyone in Alabama supports this monster,” and that “here in Hollywood, we don’t hate Alabama. We love Alabama. We love Alabama so much we sent Reese Witherspoon to make a movie about you.”
“We just don’t like alleged child molesters. And we hope you can see your way clear to not electing one to the Senate of the United States of America. That’s all.”