Stephen Colbert Struggles To Top Donald Trump’s Press Conference Comedy On ‘Late Show’

UPDATED with video: On a day in which President Donald Trump thanked Russian ruler Vladimir Putin for ordering about 755 U.S. diplomats out of the embassy there, saying “We were trying to cut the payroll,” and also insisted he’s doing the military  a “great favor” banning transgender soldiers, for whom he has greatest respect and from whom he received “great support,” you’d think late night shows would just throw in the towel, Trump having exhausted the day’s supply of comedy.

But, late-night hosts persevered.

Stephen Colbert, for instance, opened Late Show remarking, for the record, that he does not want the earth to blow up, and is nervous about the tension between Trump and North Korean ruler Kim Jong-un. While North Korea started it, Colbert noted, testing all those missiles for the express purpose of attacking the U.S., and a firm response is called for,  maybe not “fire and fury, the likes of which the world has never seen.”

A lot of people have questioned Trump’s threatening language. But there is one world leader who thinks Trump did not go far enough. That would be Donald Trump – as he stated during his address this afternoon from his New Jersey White House.

“What is tougher than ‘fire and fury’?” Colbert wondered. “Lava and rage? A paper cut and a lemon?”

In that address, Trump threatened that if the North Koreans even think about attacking, they should be very nervous “because things will happen to them like they never thought possible,” Trump said, adding “they’re going to be in trouble like few nations have ever been in trouble in this world,” he added.

“Oh my god. I think he just threatened to be their president,” Colbert cringed.

Trump knows only one superpower can fix this problem – China. During one of two news conferences on Thursday, Trump announced that if China “helps us” with North Korea he will tone down his China trade talk rhetoric.

“Trump wants to start a trade war to end the nuclear war,” Colbert explained.

Kim Jong-un reacted to Trump’s tough talk by drawing up plans to launch missiles “near Guam.” Trump’s response to the response:

“Let’s see what he does with Guam.”

“No! Let’s NOT see what he does with Guam. You can’t just offer up a US territory for target practice. It’s full of people! Just because they can’t vote for president does not mean they are not human beings,” Colbert insisted, adding, “Wow! Lot of human being fans here tonight,” when his Ed Sullivan Theater crowd roared its support of his argument.