If you were hoping HBO’s Last Week Tonight host John Oliver would take on President Donald Trump’s adviser and latest candidate for White House Communications Director Stephen Minion Sunday night – you’re in luck.
Per usual, Oliver opened his show talking about the latest antics of Donald Trump – “The Donald Trump Jr. of American Presidents.”
America has felt calmer since around 5 PM Friday, Oliver noted, because Trump began a 17-day vacation at his golf club in New Jersey though, Oliver warned, he still will have access to the nuclear codes and, worse, wifi, so our lives remain a torture chamber of fear and panic.
Trump’s exodus to New Jersey ended yet another themed week for the White House – last week was Dream Week, which Trump observed by demeaning as many American institutions as possible, Oliver reminded.
First, he gave a political speech to the Boy Scouts, telling the Wall Street Journal that the head of Boy Scouts had personally called him to say it was the greatest speech ever made to the org and they were very thankful. But, actually, the speech angered so many people that the Boy Scouts were forced to issue an apology and the org said no such phone call had been made to Trump.
“So let me get this straight: Trump showed up, said a bunch of crazy shit and then lied to make himself look good,” Oliver recapped. In Trump’s defense, Oliver said “I’m honestly not sure why the Boy Scouts are so upset. If you book Trump – you’re going to get Trump.”
But Trump just warming up. Sports Illustrated’s Golf.com reported POTUS had told members of one of his golf clubs he goes to his own properties so often because the White House is “a real dump.”
Don’t forget, Oliver observed, Trump’s taste in interior design is a “cross between C3PO’s colon and a museum where no one has ever learned anything.”
Trump has denied making the statement but the journalist who wrote the post stands by his story.
But wait – there’s more.
On Thursday of Dream Week, news emerged that, in conversation with Mexico’s president, Trump had said he won New Hampshire because it is “a drug-infested den.”
In addition to being a dis of an entire state, it’s also inaccurate, Olive said noting Trump did not take New Hampshire in the general.
But Trump was not the only person in the White House to attack a cornerstone of America across the week. Which brought Oliver to Stephen Miller, “policy adviser and Vitamin D-deficient Minion.
While admitting you can find a photo of almost anyone looking a bit like a Minion, Oliver insisted that, in Miller’s case, it’s virtually impossible to find a photo of him in which he does not look like a Minion.
Miller spoke to the White House press about a draconian immigration bill that would cut by half legal immigration over a decade and make citizenship contingent on such factors as proficiency in English, job skills and education which prompted CNN’s Jim Acosta to read Miller the poem at the base of the Statue of Liberty about bringing us your tired, your poor ,your huddles masses yearning to breathe free.
Miller rebutted that those words originally were not part of the statue, and got added later.
Just because something is not part of the original does not make it worthless, Oliver argued. There was a time when The Fast and The Furious movies did not have The Rock in them, the late night host noted as a for instance. “It’s true. And they sucked. That’s why they added the f*cking Rock,” Oliver explained.
Because that clearly wasn’t the greatest piece of communication from Miller, naturally the White House is considering giving Miller the White House Communications Director job, taking over from dearly departed The Mooch.
Oliver also seemed shocked to learn Miller is 31 human years old. He is, Oliver pointed out, the same age as the Olsen twins, who Oliver continues to insist on referring to in the singular because he’s convinced they are just one person.
Oliver also played for his viewers the video that’s been circulating of Miller at Santa Monica High School in which he’s campaigning for some position or another on a platform of being sick and tired of being told to pick up his trash “when we have plenty of janitors who are paid to do it for us.”
Calling him “one of the most revolting humans [Minions] I have ever seen,” Oliver nonetheless felt Miller, “an entitled elitist asshole who refuses to take responsibility for the messes he makes” and who can somehow manage to pick a fight with a statue, is, in fact the perfect spokesman for the Trump administration.