If you were wondering what Stephen Colbert’s Late Show and John Oliver’s Last Week Tonight were going to do with those Wax Presidents they recently purchased, when the Wax POTUS Museum went under in Gettysburg, PA, your question was answered on Friday night, when the two late-night hosts got into a heated argument as to which one had purchased the most despicable Wax President.
Both late-night hosts had, independently, bought the life-sized waxed POTUS figures because, Oliver explained to Colbert’s studio audience, “we’re both attracted to things that are objectively ridiculous.”
Neither show purchased any of the Wax First Ladies. The women were only two-thirds actual height, the hosts explained to the studio audience, which, Oliver added, represented “how much women would eventually be paid.”
“That’s commentary – not endorsement,” Colbert explained to his crowd, when they reacted badly to Oliver’s crack.
Colbert bought Zachary Taylor, while Oliver’s HBO show bought five presidents. “That’s more of that dragon money, right?” Colbert asked with a Game of Thrones reference.
The CBS star took issue with Oliver having dissed his POTUS on Last Week Tonight, playing the clip of Oliver describing Taylor, who died of a stomach bug 16 months into his office, as “a guy named Zach who sh*t his brains out in the West Wing men’s room.”
Colbert demanded an apology, as Wax Zachary Taylor and Oliver’s Warren G. Harding were wheeled out on stage.
“I would absolutely love to apologize,” Oliver shot back. “The problem is, I don’t see a wax President there. What I see is a one-year wonder who died of a tender tummy.”
And, just like the most recent election’s debates, the two men began to trade insults.
Harding was a known philanderer who died in office of a heart condition. “I didn’t realize your heart could get syphilis,” Colbert snarked.
“Ninety percent of Americans think Zachary Taylor is one of the kids on Home Improvement,” replied Oliver.
Warren G Harding was so corrupt he lost the White House china in a poker game, Colbert revealed.
Taylor had a male-prostitute nickname, “Old Rough and Ready,” Oliver sneered.
Harding is widely thought by modern-day historians to be the worst president ever – and they know about Donald Trump, Colbert said. Oliver had nothing to top that, so the two friends agreed Franklin Pierce was “the ultimate douchebag,” and their wax figures kissed and made up.