“I want to address the complaints that two or three dozen people had over the weekend. I’m talking about the immigration ban,” President Trump said. “Look people, I’ve made my position on immigration very clear: when it comes to immigrants you have two choices, either get out of here, or marry me.”
Trump first demonstrated the Golden Nomination Cage with which he’s picked his cabinet. “I reach in with my very large hands, and if the ball is white I nominate a Wall Street insider; if the ball is black I nominate Ben Carson.”
Addressing the “two or three people” who have criticized his executive orders, Trump next demonstrated his Huge Wheel of Decisions.
“Sure, repealing Obamacare isn’t great, but at least it didn’t land on Nuke The Moon Just To See What Happens,” Trump pointed out.
“In conclusion…no one was upset this week, in celebration of which I will now be choosing my Supreme Court nominee,” announced Trump (who, in real life, is going to announce his pick in a big reveal on primetime TV tonight).
“Let’s bring out the Wheel of Names! Will it be Cap’n Crunch, or Adele Dazeem?” Fallon’s Trump wondered. “Let’s spin the wheel and play the music!”