I’m not a parent, so I’ve been completely unaware that there’s something called “Elf on the Shelf.” Now however I know it comes from a 2004 children’s book that explains just how Santa keeps track of who’s been naughty and who’s been nice. (A scout elf keeps watch on children throughout the year like a yuletide secret police, if you’re curious.) The book spawned plush toys named after it that have (apparently) become something of a modern Holiday tradition, which is cool and all but we’re in Donald Trump’s America now. So it is that tonight on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Kimmel suggested a replacement for Elf on the Shelf: Trump on a Stump.


Like the scout elves, Trump on a Stump keeps watch over children’s behavior. However, unlike the elves, the information Trump collects doesn’t go to Santa, but to the Government, which then deports naughty children without mercy. Funny stuff, if kind of depressing. In any case, a fake commercial for the product was shown tonight on Kimmel. Have a look at it above now.

Naturally, expect real life Trump on a Stump to be available for purchase between now and Christmas. I know I’ll fork over the cash as soon as it is, at least.