“Don’t even think of writing something stupid like ‘What a lucky break a Trump presidency is for comedians, the jokes just write themselves’,” Samantha Bee warned journalists and bloggers on Full Frontal’s special post-Election Night show. (Too late – though, to be fair, some of her late-night colleagues already had suggested same during the race, back when that seemed funny.)
“This isn’t good for anyone. Our democracy just hoiked up a marmalade hairball with the whole world watching,” Bee blasted. “What we did was the democratic equivalent of installing an above ground pool. Even if we’re lucky and it doesn’t seep into our foundation, our neighbors will never look at us the same way again.”
“Once you dust for fingerprints it’s pretty clear who ruined America,” she said, fingering white voters. “I guess ruining Brooklyn was just a dry run.”
“Caucasian Nation showed up in droves to vote for Trump…White people this is the worst thing we’ve ever done..and don’t try to distance yourself from the bad apples and say it’s not my fault I didn’t vote for him #notallwhitepeople. If Muslims have to take responsibility for every member of their community, so do we.”
A reported 63% of white men said, “if I can’t be in charge burn it down, which surprised exactly no one,” Bee observed. “And a majority of white women faced with the historic choice between the first female president and a vial of weapon-ized testosterone said, ‘I’ll take option B; I just don’t like her’.”
“I’d also like to congratulate the patriot in a pickup truck who escorted one of my staffers on his way to work this morning shouting, ‘Payback for Obama time! No more socialist Muslim!’”
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