“I don’t know anything about the thoughtful, substantive discussion” John Oliver said sarcastically about tonight’s second Presidential debate. The latest episode of Last Week Tonight was taped ahead of Sunday’s bloody Clinton/Trump showdown, but he did weigh in on the PR disaster that has bedeviled Trump since Friday.
That would be the 2005 audio, leaked to the Washington Post, of Trump and then-Access Hollywood co-host Billy Bush in which Trump bragged about behavior that could be perceived as sexual assault. The bombshell tape has rocked Trump’s Presidential campaign, drawing condemnation from the left and the right, and led to Bush’s suspension from his current job on NBC’s Today.
“Last Sunday, I told you if you looked above the clouds you would see rock bottom, but if you look up there now,” said Oliver, “all the way up high, you will see, right there in the distance, where we were last week.
“We have sunk so low, we are breaking through the earth’s crust, where drowning in hot magma will come as sweet relief.”
Oliver also laid into Bush who, as the whole world now knows, nodded along with Trump and then had a soap actress Trump had just talked about hug first Trump, then him. “And incidentally, f*ck Billy Bush, fuck him, f*ck him… it is gross enough that he is serving as Donald Trump’s hug pimp, but he said ‘how about a little hug for the Bushy’ which, if it is not already, it should be a felony offense in all 50 states.”
Trump on Friday released a video responding to the scandal. Ostensibly an apology video, it quickly changed the topic and attempted to redirect the conversation to old Clinton conspiracy theories. Trump insisted in the clip that the words captured did not reflect who he is, to which Oliver responded “they could not capture his essence more if they were spoken by a spray tanned furby eating KFC and screaming at a gold star family.”
In what might have been a bigger story any other week, Wikileaks released hacked transcripts of speeches Hillary Clinton gave to financial sector titans. Most of the world yawned when they hit the internet, as did Oliver, who said “while there is some compromising stuff in there, at no point did she say to… bankers ‘I’m for open trade and open borders but more than that I’m for luring men to furniature stores where I can grab them by the d*ck. I’m famous I can get away with that.'”
Oliver also laid into Republicans who condemned Trump’s comments while continuing to support him, like Representative Paul Ryan and Senator John McCain. The only excuse for only now disavowing Trump, said Oliver, is if “you were cryogenically frozen until Friday afternoon, and that Access Hollywood tape was the first thing you saw.”
Oliver noted the moment in Trump’s video when the GOP candidate said this is “the real world” in dismissing critics. “I am genuinely disappointed to hear him say we are living in the real world. I secretly hoped this whole election was a horrible dream, not even my dream, but the dream of a racist teenager who feel asleep masturbating to internet porn.”