The Republican Party establishment found an unlikely ally in its last-ditch effort to keep Donald Trump from becoming GOP nominee for POTUS: Stephen Colbert. CBS’ Late Show host last night took a super-sized look at the GOP front-runner’s Really Big Hands claim, made at last week’s GOP debate.
“I’m sure it’s true. Why would a guy with a small penis put his name in giant letters on the top of a skyscraper? It’s got to mean something, right?” Colbert insisted, in his first original episode since that raunchy debate.
“For Donald, the issue is out there now. The people have the right to know the size of your Executive Branch,” Colbert challenged Trump. “I’m calling on you to release the long form – or the short form.”
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“This man is talking about the size of his schwantz. In a presidential debate!” Colbert marveled. “This is a man who could have his finger on the button – and god I hope it’s his finger.”
Even Colbert seemed surprised at the presidential race’s downward trajectory with Trump dominating each day’s news cycle. “I can’t believe these are absolutely legitimate jokes to be making about a presidential debate right now. We have officially hit a new low in political discourse. We have sunk below Swift Boat, below Secret Muslim, below John McCain’s Illegitimate Baby.”
Tragically, Republicans are not able to see Colbert, according to at least one study of the late-night viewing of indigenous groups in this country. Instead, the party hopes Mitt Romney’s robo-calls have impact:
“Hello, this is Mitt Romney and I’m calling on behalf of Marco Rubio for President. If we Republicans were to choose Donald Trump as as our nominee, I believe that the prospect for a safe and prosperous future would be greatly diminished.”
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