The Horse’s Mouth is an ongoing feature with a collection of funny or head-scratching comments and crazy conversations that our staff has had. We thought we’d share them with you.
COMEBACK COMMENT: “You need your TV privileges revoked. You should have your TVs taken away. You have no business owning a TV. I almost want to say your TV acumen is so bad that you don’t deserve eyes and ears! Why? Because Super Fun Night should have been put out its misery halfway through the first episode. It was indeed THAT awful. And for you to say “it was your absolute favorite show” means you have the TV taste of a tongueless donkey … ”
PRODUCER: You have the same cheekbones as Angelina Jolie in Maleficent.
REPORTER: Oh God, I certainly hope not.
PRODUCER: What do you mean? She has great cheekbones.
REPORTER: Those are fake implants designed to make her look evil and weird. I think Rick Baker did those.
PRODUCER: Those aren’t her real cheekbones?
REPORTER: Oh boy, I’m worried about you … an you’re in the movie business?!
PRODUCER: (laughing) Well, yeah, I am but I produce really shitty movies.
MANAGER: “I’m not that genuine, but I’m better than most.”
“In the great American tradition of people venturing into the woods and encountering absolutely pants-wetting terror …” PUBLICITY MATERIALS on horror film Willow Creek, written and directed by Bobcat Goldthwait.
AGENT: “I am really sorry (and disappointed) but I have to reschedule dinner. Nanny had an emergency appendectomy late last night, housekeeper can’t stay because of trouble with her x-boyfriend, and wife has a long-standing something or other. First world problems, for sure. Let’s get it back on the books … Again, really and very truly sorry.”
“I think Mad Men is fantastic. To do that every week and not murder anyone? That’s an amazing accomplishment.” – DAVID CHASE at a recent screening of the first and final episodes of The Sopranos at the Museum of the Moving Image.
“Recaps — I just don’t get that. Read about what you just saw? Why?” – CHASE at the same event.
CEO: What are the other companies you want to feature?
REPORTER: (Company A), (Company B), you and (Company C)
CEO: Who is you?
REPORTER: You is YOU, your company.
CEO: A ha!
REPORTER: Can you tell me the current status of your agreement between (your company) and (movie?)
PUBLICIST: You are asking me a legal question.
REPORTER: Yeah, I am.
PUBLICIST: What does it matter?
REPORTER: For the sake of the story, it’s good to know where it all stands.
PUBLICIST: I don’t know. Your question makes no sense.
REPORTER: It makes no sense? To ask what the agreement is between (your company) and the filmmakers?
PUBLICIST: It’s a legal question.
REPORTER: Yes, that’s right. I don’t understand why this question is so hard for the company to answer.
PUBLICIST: Off the record, I don’t know what it is now.
REPORTER: Off the record, you don’t know. Okay, what was it before?
PUBLICIST: What makes you think you have a right to know?
REPORTER: Okay. I can find out another way.
PUBLICIST: (pause) I’ll get back to you with an answer shortly.