Just in time for holiday buying season, The Parents Television Council has released its annual Best and Worst TV Advertisers List. But this year, PTC has ranked advertisers by brand category, rather than by corporate parent, to facilitate use of the list at the mall. For instance, PTC has determined Charmin to be the most family-friendly toilet paper, whereas the use of Quilted Northern toilet paper may support graphic violence and sex on TV, PTC warns. Every time you wipe with Charmin, you’ll be delivering a blow to the sexy, violent TV programming that gets PTC’s undies in such a bunch. Shows like, well, Blue Bloods, and the NCISes, and The Blacklist, and don’t even get them started on Chuck Lorre’s comedies, and The Good Wife — wait, The Good Wife? The Good Wife is on the PTC’s “Red Light” list  (PTC uses a trademarked traffic light system of grading TV programs) because:

– Sexual content is frequent and  intense.

– Alicia has received oral sex from her husband and had an orgasm in a clinch with Will.

– Also, there was a case last season revolving around a woman who hosted a website for men to find women for the sole purpose of committing adultery. 

– Last season, one of the firm employees was shown receiving oral sex in bed with her girlfriend, and later having semi-violent sexual exchanges with her estranged husband.

– Foul language has included ‘ass,’ ‘hell,’ ‘piss,’ ‘damn,’ ‘crap,’ and ‘whore.’ 

– Violence has been minor, in the form of flashbacks or crime scene photos. In one episode, a man was shown dead after a stabbing, and in another there was a depiction of a shooting in a convenience store.

Getting back to the Holiday Shopping List: “This year’s analysis should provide greater clarity for those members of the public who wish to ‘vote with their wallets’ and have a direct impact in support of family entertainment,” PTC president Tim Winter said this morning. “We encourage the public to use this list when they’re shopping, and we hope that the worst brands are motivated to improve the direction of their media spending.”

Related: PTC Blasts ‘Family Guy’

The list is based on each company’s primetime broadcast TV ad buys during the 2012-13 TV season, and use PTC’s Traffic Light ratings system. And, all you producers of TV shows that contain “high levels of violent or sexual content”: did you know your program makes it tough for your viewers to recall the ads in your show? So says PTC’s Winter, who adds he hopes advertisers keep that in mind for future ad buys: “A study from the Department of Psychology at Iowa State University suggests that programs with high levels of violent or sexual content can actually repress the viewers’ ability to recall advertised brands,” he said. “By contrast, subjects who watched ‘neutral’ programming were better able to recall the ads the following day.”

Wireless Providers
BEST: Sprint
WORST: AT&T, Verizon

BEST: TD Bank, Chase
WORST: Wells Fargo, Bank of America

General Retail
BEST: Walmart, Sears
WORST: JC Penney, Kohl’s, Macy’s, Target

Clothing Retail
BEST: Famous Footwear, H&M
WORST: Old Navy/Gap, Burlington Coat Factory

Fast Food Restaurants
BEST: Dunkin Donuts, Dominos Pizza, Wendy’s, Arby’s
WORST: McDonalds, Subway, Taco Bell

BEST: Red Lobster, Cracker Barrel
WORST: TGI Friday’s, Red Robin


Sub-Category: Fruit Juice
BEST: Ocean Spray, Motts Apple
WORST: Welch’s

Sub-Category: Coffee/Tea
BEST: Folgers Coffee
WORST: Lipton Tea, Nespresso

Sub-Category: Soft Drink
BEST: Coca Cola, Diet Coke
WORST: Diet Pepsi, Dr. Pepper

Personal Items/Groceries

Sub-Category: Toilet Paper
BEST: Charmin
WORST: Quilted Northern

Sub-Category: Paper Towels
BEST: Bounty
WORST: Brawny

Sub-Category: Toothpaste
BEST: Crest, Colgate
WORST: Aquafresh

Sub-Category: Mouthwash
BEST: Act Mouthwash
WORST: Listerine

Cosmetics/Hair Care
BEST: Pantene, Estee Lauder
WORST: Maybelline, L’Oreal

BEST: Chevrolet
WORST: Honda