Joan Rivers is sounding sane, although someone has given Melissa a thingamajig to “illustrate” the Red Carpet activity. So, on your TV screen, all you see are white scrawl marks. Will Smith’s son, who starred with him in The Pursuit of Happyness, will be presenting tonight, Will tells Joan. Clearly Rivers is trying hard not to piss off the stars as they make their way down the line of microphones. After E! and after the TV Guide channel, where could she and Melissa go if they blow this gig, right? I still say the classic Joan Oscars performance of all time was when Rosa Parks was coming down the Red carpet. And, unable to think of a single thing substantive to ask her, Joan asked this civil rights icon: “Who Are You Wearing?” (Parks answered, “I bought my dress in a department store.”) Joan interviewing Babel director Alejandro González Iñárritu. Joan asks him, “Who’s the one person here you’d like to work with?” Iñárritu says “Catherine Deneuve. Joan’s response is, “Well, she’s very, very snotty.” Ay-yi-yi. Uh-oh, discussion by Melissa about Hollywood’s short Jews. On second thought, Joan and Melissa can find work next on local cable access.