Making brief remarks at 3 AM, “all he had to do was not thank the murderous dictator who had imprisoned these men on a windowless black hole,” Colbert said.
Trump thanked Kim Jong Un “who was really excellent to these three incredible people.”
“He wasn’t excellent to them!” the Late Show host ranted. “You know the hint that he wasn’t? They look happy to be with you! You don’t negotiate the release of people from an excellent situation!”
Trump bragged the moment was historic — TV ratings-wise, telling the press on hand, “I want to thank you all, it’s early in the morning. I think you probably broke the all-time in history television rating for 3 o’clock the morning!”
Which is important, Colbert explained, because “that is how all history judges all presidential accomplishments: Did it do better than an infomercial for Slap Chop.”
Colbert then jumped on the latest revelations about President Donald Trump’s personal attorney — or ex-personal attorney, depending on who you talk to – Michael Cohen, who recently had his office, home and hotel room raided by the FBI and is favored to flip soon.
We already heard Cohen took money from a Russian oligarch and corporations like AT&T. “But that’s just the tip of the bribe-berg,” Colbert revealed. According to one GOP strategist, right after Trump’s inauguration, Cohen was cold-calling people, saying “I do not know who has been representing you, but you should fire them all! I’m the guy you should hire. I’m closest to the president! I’m his personal lawyer.”
“That was pretty bald influence peddling,” Colbert marveled, after TV news pundits spent the day calling it maybe legal, but “very swampy.”
Part of the reason Cohen was so blunt in his cash grab, Colbert explained, is that Cohen had badly wanted a position in the White House. He was thwarted, however, by Ivanka and Jared, who told Daddy that being unqualified as a White House staffer – “That’s kind of our thing.”